Ulf: Had you said Linda Lavin they would have sent you right back to Mel’s Diner

i was a toddler escape artist. i ran away during the macy's thanksgiving day parade. a stranger found two year old me wandering down the highway shoulder like a quarter mile from the synagogue where my cousin was getting bar mitzvahed

child me was absolutely diabolical. once when i was like 7 my mom & i were arguing and she sent me to my room but instead i went to her room and dumped her fancy perfumes & lotions down the drain

absolute fucking nightmare. apparently during the macy's incident (i was 3) i told the cops my name was laura for some reason.

Had you said Linda Lavin they would have sent you right back to Mel’s Diner

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