I'm always praying to God for things like please Lord make my tummy not hurt, please God let this headache pass, etc to stack up easy wins so when I make the big ask He's primed to agree 🙏
Oh that's funny, my dog thought she could spend the whole morning not being reminded what a beautiful perfect angel she is. Sorry sweetheart, in this house bitches get complimented
*gun shaking in Hunter Biden's hand* are you sure you want to do this, dad?
It's time to change the narrative, Hunter. No more malarkey, take the shot!
Common sense gun control: when you buy a gun the seller should be required to ask you if you are going to use it on a president, current or former. If you say yes you don't get the gun until you change your answer.
I was pulled into an unmarked van and forcibly converted to metric. Now I'm 175 cm tall, 100 kilograms, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've already cried 236 milliliters of tears 😭
Updated list of demands for Mr. Bouie's return:
1. Quit your job
2. Burn down the office on your way out
3. There are 100 names on this list, kill them all
4. Evade the police, federal agents
5. Here's another, much longer, list
The thing about talking like an old man is you have to start before you're old or it may not stick. Kapoot has already been added to the lexicon and will be in the rotation I can guarantee.
Once in a great while, maybe a year or more, I'll remember that I can go on Youtube and type a thing I like into the search bar and watch movies about a thing I like. Decided while writing this that calling Youtubes movies is a good old man thing to start saying.
That means only one thing...BRING IT IN, GUYS!!!
*every instrument from every symphony, sonata, quartet, opera, and concerto come in with everything for a HUGE party*
If you haven't logged into a website or app for over a year they shouldn't be allowed to email you anymore until you do. They get to send one "goodbye" email on your 365th day away reminding you that they will not email you anymore unless you log in
