Bazecraze

178

Posts

Head Writer at Late Night with Seth Meyers.

If Trump was visited in the night by three ghosts, all the ghosts would come out anti-trans the next day.

Biden could tap-dance for a full hour tonight and the top story would be how tap-dancing doesn’t connect with young voters.

We need a Kendrick diss track about Project 2025.

I’m not sure I can vote for Biden, a man who is 65 years older than the girls Trump was trafficked by Epstein.

Can’t believe I have to watch this thing and Melania doesn’t.

I miss the days when being broke was still affordable.

I’m tired all the time and all of my clothes are on the floor. Is it possible I’m a hot girl?

He’s now been convicted of 1% of the crimes he’s committed!

If you never leave your hometown, you apparently never find out that “a lot” is two words.

I don’t get doomsday cults. The last thing I want right before doomsday is to be in a little club with a bunch of rules.

Pacers crowd would leave to beat the traffic if they had any.

Happy Mother’s Day to the reason I’m like this!

He saw your MackleLESS jokes and he Mackled MOST!

Email subject line: quick favor Me: Oh cool, somebody wants to do me a favor!

I’m in the American South where they love Jesus and Trump. They really don’t have a type

I have a feeling cancer’s gonna get away with it.

In honor of the eclipse, I will also be blacked out on a Monday afternoon.

In honor of the eclipse, I will also hide from my job this afternoon.

Whoops forgot that Facebook sucks harder than usual today

You: Kate Middleton is missing! Me: (skipping stones) Buddy, Kate Middleton never existed.

Trump in 3 weeks: “I meant a metaphorical Kristallnacht”.

Billion dollar idea: a chain of gyms called Big Towels.

Supreme Court remains the only place Trump can win the popular vote.

CDC says it’s ok to put it in a little

Under these circumstances, sanity is just rude.

None of the life hacks worked, so now I gotta re-install.

Hyperbole is everything.

Now it’s 6 months of having to see Travis in the suite at every Taylor concert.

Usher and Alicia Keys sitting on my shoulders while I make a decision.

Congress is like a pizzeria where half the employees want to serve thin crust and the other half don't think there should be a pizzeria.