Danny Lavery

@dannymlavery.bsky.social

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Emma MR KNIGHTLEY: “She thinks she’s helping” is top of Emma’s list of faults again this year MRS WESTON: She does always think she’s helping MR KNIGHTLEY: Yes. That’s why I put it at the top of the list. That hat doesn’t suit you. Goodbye www.thechatner.com/p/emma

Emmawww.thechatner.com MR WOODHOUSE: Good morning who’s ready to start cheering me up but do not cheer me up by suggesting we go places i’ve given it a lot of thought and it is not possible to go anywhere or visit anyone

"They did not kiss one another goodbye. After seven years of marriage they would have considered such day-time demonstration queer, not to say offensive."

The Best Read of the Summer is Edna Ferber's 1933 "They Brought Their Women": “Her clothes! You don’t need her clothes!” cried Otto, full of class hatred and beer. www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-r...

The Best Read of the Summer is Edna Ferber's 1933 Story Collection, "They Brought Their Women"www.thechatner.com "They did not kiss one another good-bye. After seven years of marriage they would have considered such daytime demonstration queer, not to say offensive."

Romulus and Remus Debrief ROMULUS: What are the two things everybody knows about us? REMUS: I don’t think it’s healthy to assume everyone knows us -- ROMULUS: One, that we’re twins. Two, that we know what dog milk tastes like. www.thechatner.com/p/romulus-an...

Romulus and Remus Debrief After Date Nightwww.thechatner.com REMUS: how was the date? ROMULUS: how do you think it went REMUS: Well, I think it’s important to leave room for the possibility that you don’t always know how someone is going to react to you ROMULUS...

back in April Bookforum published a review of Lucas Rijneveld's "My Heavenly Favorite" where the reviewer discussed the trans author's birth assignment at great length, as though it provided moral/artistic justification for the subject. I disliked this! www.thechatner.com/p/my-first-l...

ROMAN I: Oh, Dying Gaul, we love you — get up — ! ROMAN II: Sculpting’s very hard, you know. As soon as it starts to look like people I start crying, every time.

ROMAN II: and as you can see I’ve depicted him nude here — ROMAN I: except for the splendid torc ringed around his neck? ROMAN II: Yes, nude except for the splendid stiff torc around his powerful neck TWO ROMANS SCULPT "THE DYING GAUL" www.thechatner.com/p/two-romans...

Two Romans Sculpt The Dying Gaulwww.thechatner.com The Dying Gaul, ca. 220 BCE ROMAN I: Ah, Quintilianus! Hard at work on another masterpiece, I see…Not a citizen you’re sculpting this time? Can’t help notice your fellow is nude, but not quite classic...

ROMAN I: And where do they live? Deranged, impossible places: Aeolia. “Mytilene.” Commagene…Sardinia… Gaul, obviously…Rustics and knaves. And they wear mustaches.

I thought I knew my dog, but running around in a backyard has demented his mind with too much joy. Now he respects neither law, nor loyalty, nor love: He cares only for Backyard. www.thechatner.com/p/the-coward...

The Coward Soul of Bon-Bon The Dog Triumphswww.thechatner.com Bon-Bon’s is a coward soul. If ever there were a trembler in the world’s storm-troubled sphere, whose Faith does not shine equal to arm itself from Fear, Bon-Bon is such a trembler. His life has been ...

What Am I Feeling Today? Horse sense, nixtamalization, or chiropractic adjustment? www.thechatner.com/p/what-am-i-...

What Am I Feeling Today?www.thechatner.com An exhaustive glossary

ADMIRAL CROFT: where to take wife in Bath socially appropriate to take walks with wife in city legal to spend time with wife? can wives and husbands be friends in England wife is right wife is nice Jane Austen's Persuasion, Part V www.thechatner.com/p/jane-auste...

Jane Austen's Persuasion, Part Vwww.thechatner.com Previously: Jane Austen’s Persuasion, parts I, II, III, and IV. ANNE: Like I said, I’m going to see an old school friend, Mrs Smith ELIZABETH ELLIOT: Doesn’t she live in a BATHTUB ANNE: She is ill, an...

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“There was no need for Charlotte to remain at home. Her father’s ill health was simply a convenient excuse.” "Miss Brontë often went to bed all day." "It is curious that Emily ever gained the reputation for being sympathetic." www.thechatner.com/p/every-time...

Every Time This Biographer of the Brontë Family Calls Them Unemployablewww.thechatner.com We’ve landed in Michigan and my childhood Midwestern accent is coming back in full folksy force. Also, the Chatner is offering a special 20% off deal for the next year to anyone who becomes a paying s...

MARY MUSGROVE: D̶e̶a̶r̶ Anne: Having fine time in Lyme Louisa not dead after all I am allowed to eat dinner first because no one has a more important father than me Persuasion, Part IV and a Memorial Day sale www.thechatner.com/p/jane-auste...

Jane Austen's Persuasion, Part IVwww.thechatner.com and a Memorial Day sale

Dogs only want one thing, and that's to lick the baby: How I wage an unending battle of wills against the dogs in my home from achieving their only goal www.thechatner.com/p/dogs-only-...

Dogs Only Want One Thing And That's To Lick The Babywww.thechatner.com The three of us have been living with baby Rocco for a little over six weeks now and it’s been pretty terrific. He lives with great gusto. His jowls are developing rapidly. They give him an air of inj...

Jane Austen's Persuasion, Part III ANNE ELLIOT: Not at all [To herself] This is terrific. Now he doesn’t have as much furniture as before www.thechatner.com/p/jane-auste...

Jane Austen's Persuasion, Part IIIwww.thechatner.com Previously: Persuasion, parts I and II. LOUISA MUSGROVE: I’m just like you and always have been CAPTAIN WENTWORTH: I hope you will always be steadfast, and that you will teach your sister to be firm…l...

still thinking about what made Challengers so fun for me…it’s like if Amadeus had two Salieris in it and they got married to each other, which did nothing to solve their problem of hating Mozart

“Emma” is a really fun book about an incredibly thoughtless woman who marries her conscience. It’s like if Pinocchio married Jiminy Cricket. the reason everyone gets mad at Mansfield Park is because it’s like if Jiminy Cricket married his own Jiminy Cricket

MARY [Bursting merrily into the room, full of breakfast and malice]: Captain Wentworth said you look different and I do NOT think it was a compliment! Jane Austen's Persuasion www.thechatner.com/p/jane-auste...

Jane Austen's Persuasionwww.thechatner.com Papa says the best thing for my health is to sit near a baronet, at this time of year

The Stages of Drinking From A Bottle, According To Our Month-Old Son: I need milk I need MILK you son of a bitch ill kill you there’s something there that’s something let me see it you damn rascal www.thechatner.com/p/the-stages...

The Stages of Drinking From A Bottle, According To Our Month-Old Sonwww.thechatner.com I need milk I need MILK you son of a bitch ill kill you there’s something there that’s something let me see it you damn rascal you’re not going to con meThe Chatner is a reader-supported publication. ...

REBECCA: How do you manage it, Charlotte? Most mornings I barely have the energy to contemplate suicide. CHARLOTTE: I’ve got no time for suicide, Rebecca. I’d never get anything done! www.thechatner.com/p/tonight-on...

Tonight, On Murder Most Noticeable!www.thechatner.com I’ve started writing a script for a very light Murder, She Wrote-style comedy to while away the long months before Women’s Hotel comes out in October. My dream is to strong-arm my friends into a table...

Murder Most Noticeable! CHARLOTTE: Oh, Chief Goshen? There seems to be something you’ve overlooked on the floor...much as you’re overlooking me now. The SHERIFF and DETECTIVE look at one another, abashed. You should never overlook CHARLOTTE QUERYABLE. www.thechatner.com/p/tonight-on...

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HENRY CRAWFORD: She really just suffers beautifully, you know? And a husband can make a woman suffer in so many more interesting ways than an aunt. www.thechatner.com/p/mansfield-...

Mansfield Park, Part IVwww.thechatner.com Previously: Mansfield Park, Part I. “She looks like she’s never had a glass of milk in her LIFE.” Mansfield Park, Part II. MARY CRAWFORD [Weeping with fury]: I don’t even know what a church is, Edmund...

HENRY CRAWFORD: She really just suffers beautifully, you know? And a husband can make a woman suffer in so many more interesting ways than an aunt. www.thechatner.com/p/mansfield-...

“How to Win Brothers and Influence Cousins,” Fanny Price

MARY CRAWFORD: Edmund, hi! We were just practicing heterosexuality. Thank God you’re here so we don’t have to do that anymore FANNY: Oh! Is that what female friendship is? Because I really hate it, if so MANSFIELD PARK, Part III www.thechatner.com/p/mansfield-...

Mansfield Park, Part IIIwww.thechatner.com Previously: Mansfield Park, Part I. “She looks like she’s never had a glass of milk in her LIFE.” Mansfield Park, Part II. MARY CRAWFORD [Weeping with fury]: I don’t even know what a church is, Edmund...

our son is so cute i don’t even mind doing six hundred loads of laundry every day

things I've learned from having a baby for two weeks now: gotta do some laundry laundry time it's time for laundry better believe it's laundry day laundry for son

“It was the end of the continental breakfast, and therefore the beginning of the end of everything else." You can't go wrong, in my opinion, by starting your first novel with the question, What are all the characters eating for breakfast? So that's what I've done.

The cover for Women's Hotel, my debut novel, is out today! (The book itself comes out October 15th.) Looks pretty good to me...good enough to pre-order, perhaps from Barnes & Noble this week for 25% off... www.barnesandnoble.com/w/womens-hot...

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