University fellowship: we welcome applicants from all socioeconomic backgrounds
Fellowship salary: we welcome applicants from the landed gentry, as well as recent lottery winners
Communication matters in academia:
how’s the writing going < would you like a coffee?
when do you finish your PhD < would you like some money?
any luck on the job market < would you like to use my office to cry?
Colleagues are shocked when I share my record of publication wins and grant success, all while maintaining work/life harmony, but anything is possible when you lie
1970s professors: "and a final, brief thanks to my loving wife, who came up with the idea, did the research, wrote and edited the book, secured a publisher, and raised our children."
Academics: "try the 'feedback sandwich' - a positive comment, followed by constructive feedback, followed by another positive comment."
German academic: "now that we've covered the serious problems with your work, let's move on to the truly severe."
Succeeding in the academic job market is simple:
- Publish in high-impact journals
- Publish in a university press
- Obtain grant funding
- Teach early and well
- Be luckier than you currently are
- Blackmail established scholars into retirement
- Time-travel back to the 1970s
Please give a warm welcome to our panellists, guy who wrote his presentation on the plane, guy who goes over time, guy who goes dramatically over time, and well-prepared PhD student allocated the 4 remaining minutes
Getting a PhD:
Cons:
- anxiety inducing
- poor work-life balance
- brutal job market
- low pay
Pros:
- When your amazon package is delivered you can say, "ah, just what the doctor ordered!"
The media: Professors are indoctrinating their students!!
Professors: please read these four articles, or just the first if you're pressed for time...or these notes I uploaded summarizing the articles. hello?
