damn i wish i was your lawyer

@bermanmatt.bsky.social

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Holding on to the Oxford comma. #BLM | bokononist

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Yes car, please, beep at me the entire drive home for failing not fastening a seatbelt on a watermelon.

I like how Argentina’s national anthem sounds like the Bellagio fountain should be shooting off behind the team.

I feel for ya, England. I’m never gonna win the Euro Cup either.

Wow, if that’s Alcaraz when he’s focused for a full match, look out. Just took Djokovic apart.

Almost 25 years later, they've made a sequel to "Gladiator." Really feel like they dropped the ball here by not making two of them and calling them "Sadiator" and "Madiator."

England overthrows conservative governance and immediately wins a soccer game on PKs instead of its usual losing one on them. Huzzah!

“Official act” 100% sounds like a euphemism for taking a dump. “After my morning coffee I like to have an official act.”

If Strasburg’s debut was Strasmas, does that make yesterday’s game Woodstock? #Nats

I would like to know who at Boeing was like, “Hey, let’s sponsor an event about things blowing up in the sky.”

come on now

More French basketball players for DC. Woohoo! Welcome to Les Wizerables.

….oooooof that was an absolute brutal finish for croatia.

We’re getting dangerously close to people throwing ‘00s parties and when they do it is gonna be a real shot to the chachas lemme tell ya.

So funny that the way people are cutting down potential NBA draftees this year is to say, “He’s kind of a Tobias Harris type.”

ugh i spilled club soda on my shirt and i don’t know what to use to get it out.

Fun Fact about my wife: If you sing “Like a rock” after every line of “Like a Rock,” she will get annoyed with you.

Awfully hot outside for hell to have frozen over. www.spin.com/2024/06/soul...

Soul Coughing Reuniting For First Shows In 25 Years - SPINwww.spin.com After consistently vowing never to reunite, eclectic '90s outfit Soul Coughing will do exactly that this fall with their first shows in 25 years. After consistently vowing never to reunite, eclectic '...

I like the Nat softball jerseys quite a lot, but the blue on the jerseys is navy and the blue on hats is royal and that is weird.

Just watching a 50-something-year-old man in a Volvo XC90 with a “Please Be Patient New Driver” bumper sticker weave rapidly in and out of traffic in front of me.

It’s June 20th, the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. A heat dome hangs over the East Coast. Two NHL teams are still playing hockey for some reason.

Congratulations to the Boston Celtics for not letting Kyrie Irving get another NBA championship.

America’s long Stuck Watching Alexi Lalas Talk During Major Soccer Tournaments nightmare continues.

The sheer rush of joy when they announce at your kids’ piano recital that the next scheduled performer could not make it today and you’ve just been gifted back five minutes of life.

I have heard three different Scorpions songs on the radio today, which is at least one more song than I thought they had.

After much consideration, I have made the tough decision that I too will not coach the Lakers next season.

The French Open Second Place Roland Garros brand 1/4 sheet pan is hilarious.

Zverev is already so good and he’s getting better, and he’s definitely gonna win some majors someday. But not today! Vamos Alcaraz! The Spaniards own the French clay.

Hit Man is a movie about how geeky guys can take off their glasses and become insanely hot too.

Nice to see the USMNT uphold its long tradition of disappointing everyone with its soccer.

Kristaps Porziņģis is the oldest looking 28-year-old I’ve ever seen.