DocAtCDI

@docatcdi.bsky.social

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My job is digging holes to look for water. It is, well, boring.

Boy asks Grandad; Have you seen my pills,they were labelled LSD? Grandad replies; Never mind the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

My kid got trained For the potty - no fun So I wrote about it “How the Wets Was Won”

I can't believe someone has been underneath my car and stolen my exhaust. How could anybody stoop so low.

Im not saying your cat doesnt care about you... Im saying that if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well...

What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Push-ups, split's, crunches, blasts, curls, sliders, roll-ups, wraps. I never have to leave DQ to sound like I've a real workout.

Received a text from the wife saying she was breaking up with me Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later she texted 'sorry wrong number'

My fireplace has the flue...

I got a puppy for my twin sons... I think I made a good trade...

I have a theological joke but only God knows if it's any good.

My Highschool was so small we had sex ed and drivers ed in the same car!

the bartender suggested I take the bus home... Turns out I was in no condition to drive that either...

If anyone ever asks you to spell part backwards don't do it. It's a trap.

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Dammit! My brand new kitchin and I already have a leek under the sink! https://imgur.com/flZ1wqE

Did you hear what the sun did to the couple that was out riding on a bicycle built for two? Tanned em.

Nothing comes easy in life... Even Santa comes with a clause...

Do you ever talk to yourself? When and what do you say?

Someone just threw some rice at me, I think they are trying to start a Pilau fight.

Son: What rhymes with purple? Dad: No it doesn't!

I cant remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I M LIVID

My mailman had a sex change. I guess you could call her a post-man.

Why can't two elephants go swimming? Because they only have one pair of trunks.

I finally bought my son his first watch. It's about time.

Apparently the clocks go back in November... Well Im screwed then. I cant remember where I got it from.

Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3? Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.

The Mrs says Im cheap!, so to prove her wrong we went out for desert! It was quite exciting as shes never given blood before.