ihpower.bsky.social

@ihpower.bsky.social

938

Posts

@IHPower on Twitter.
Don’t take this shit too seriously. Unless I’m talking about Tories, I really do hate them that much.

Posts Replies Media

Don’t forget to put the rubbish out today, ladies and gentlemen X

The walk of shame is always worse in Liverpool, because you can never do it alone.

I've decided to release my diet book in America first. I think it deserves a wider audience.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just the one. But he has to do it before the old one becomes cool.

Doctors agree that holding in wind can be harmful and should be released as soon as possible. The people in this train carriage not so much so.

Bible fact: Joseph dusted, Mary polished and Jesus swept.

Superman had good feet because he always wore Clark's shoes.

My server's gone down. Best. Restaurant. Ever.

Do you know what's more embarrassing than having 'Another One Bites the Dust' as a ringtone? Not putting your phone on silent at a funeral.

I’m white, male, in my fifties and have a bit of money. This puts me in a key demographic for supporting the Tories. But, as I get older, I find my burning hatred for the Tory party increases. I know pride is supposed to be a sin, but I’m fucking proud of that.

It’s our AGM at Constipation Club tonight. Sadly, I can't go.

I don't think you can beat that first morning stretch and satisfying fart of the day. Sadly, the people on this train don't agree.

A mute button, but on people's foreheads.

Much of middle-age seems to consist of thinking about and planning to do stuff, but not doing it because you're too tired.

I’ve won a part in a play called Conga. I don’t have much dialogue apart from one really long line.

Never buy too much rocket. It goes off quickly.

My New Year's Resolution is to have a better sense of timing.

I'm taking medication because of my kleptomania.

Due to an unfortunate typo my forthcoming duel will consist of us firing gnus at ten paces.

An artist friend paints little flowers on his bollocks to impress the ladies. It’s pretty nuts, to be honest.

Someone asked me where the "nearest ATM machine is". I told him "it's on the High Street street.”

You know you're middle-aged when you nod approvingly at the quality of bin liners.

I had a fromage à trois last night. It's like a ménage à trois, just more cultured.

I learnt two things today: 1. Sofa sex can be wild and exciting. 2. The staff in DFS are quite narrow-minded.

I've just found my second grey pube. I'm never eating in this cafe again.

I’ve been kicked out of Masochist Club. I hope they do it every week.

You always get a decent 'lock in' at my local. It's a real Yale pub.

My naturist mate, Chris Peacock, badly injured himself using a deep fat fryer.

I've just seen a huge goldfish bowl. I wonder if he can bat as well.

"What shall we call the machine that presses and laminates the product?" "We'll call it machinethatpressesandlaminatestheproduct." - How German works