When I start to feel passionate about a topic, like the issue of disability and accessibility in society, I feel less like I am a person feeling the emotion, and more like a vessel for the emotion to be expressed.
I don’t want to believe in conspiracies regarding the assassination attempt, but I don’t, for one second, believe that Trump or the people who surround him are above pulling off this kind of thing. If they didn’t do it or did, they are all excited to use it to their advantage.
I spent most of my adult life beholden to outdated gendered hair standards. For the last 3 years I’ve been able to grow my hair and even colour it. Now I wonder if I should cut it and change it back to a natural colour, just so I am not so obviously a target for fascists in the coming troubles.
Have this idea that the universe is a wisdom accumulator. Like, that’s the purpose. And it has countless parallel processes, all working off each other to try and reach enlightenment. We are all just processes in this task.
My dysmorphia is not gender based. My problem is that I look “mannish” and not like an elf. I want to look so strikingly androgynous that one can’t help but blush in my passing. Instead, I look like Miss Swan could dictate my epitaph. And it just feels wrong.
Phrases I really want to say someday:
1. Yes, Mrs. President.
2. Take me to your leader.
3. Come with me if you want to live.
4. No. I expect you to die.
5. Greetings, mortals.
There is a limit to how information dense a task/game can be before I start to have an anxiety attack. Problem is I don’t know what that limit is before my body starts telling me to freak out.
My anxiety used to focus on the whereabouts of my loved ones, as I always feared they were in danger if not near me. Modern technology allows me to scratch that itch, being able to see at a glance where they are, and knowing that, I don’t feel the fear.
When you’ve lived most of your life asking yourself what you did wrong in social situations that other people treat you strangely, learning that you are autistic, while helpful, doesn’t suddenly change the deeply ingrained sense of wrongness you carry.
