Pulling up to the computer desk wearing nothing but this and a pair of grippy socks, about to share the worst opinions of anything you've ever heard in your life.
Walter White impressionists were such a flash in the pan, which is culturally positive because it was so low effort. Slap a trilby on a bald man wearing sunglasses and a three week goatee for the weakest looking meth cook you've hired for a 16th birthday party.
I'm only missing three squares on my "unbelievable events of 2024 bingo" sheet for a full house. I won't give too much away but one of them is a shock celebrity death and another is the breaking news that a semen stain has been found on The Shroud Of Turin.
Surprised I got that job on reflection. When they asked if I had any questions, I asked if Bob and Helen from The Incredibles can only have sex because they're compatible. Helen is the only woman Bob can fuck without killing her because the pushing will bounce off her like a penny on a trampoline.
Biden is so fucked up that not even our finest alien technology can pull a convincing enough Weekend At Bernie's, and we have AI deepfake technology that can make it sound like Mr. T works at Subway and keeps building your sandwich wrong.
I feel like Charli XCX wanted this "brat" aesthetic to be more iconic than it was. Instead it gave us bright green towels labeled "towel" for 50 royal foils.
Does BlueSky have an Xvideos account? Been made aware of a man (who obviously is not me wearing a disguise and didn't forget his password or even had an account or anything) pulling his penis to reveal a secret "Ludo/Llandudno" tattoo technique. This dark magic obviously has no place online.
Santa is deep enough in his slumber now where it's safe to talk about what happens to the reindeer who don't make the cut through-out the year's arduous training regime. Let's such say it'll coincide with a certain restaurant bigwig's special sandwich release.
I used to like Reddit a lot. Seemed to know what's what. A finger on the pulse in a niche corner of the net that was nerdy and it knew it. Now it's things like "my (24F) boyfriend's (30M) wife (34F) is getting married to a portion of the Berlin Wall. What gift do we get her?"
Getting stoned on my sofa listening to Miles Davis and feeling at peace on my own for the first time since my dad died I think. I would say he'd be proud but he would disapprove of my new living room layout, despise my music choice and probably die all over again if he found out I was getting high.
Don't know the show but that Sopranos lass who gets her 13 year old to edit her OnlyFans isn't generating enough heat for my tastes. If Henry Cavill was getting his todger airbrushed by a hypothetical 13 year old girl, would people say the same because he's perceived as hot and artistic?
I miss when the worst thing we had to worry about politically was how Boris Johnson pronounced "vegan". Things weren't exactly peachy then but they felt simpler.
For the past day and a half I have carefully cultivated an internal persona which is like a drag queen/alien of myself giving positive affirmations at every single little accomplishment I'm currently doing. She's... helping? Has she been Rhoda this whole time?
Jack Black was looking for an out from the fligigigugu band. They've been together for over 30 years and I get the impression they're not as close as they let on. Obviously fun and games until he gets off stage to 400 voicemails from his agent saying "sort this or no more Nintendo money".
Apparently there's a clear difference to the answers given to either "I bet it feels good to be in Iron Maiden" and "I bet it feels good to be in an iron maiden".
