me: “hey it hurts me when you consistently misgender me after over 3 years of being out to you, could you please not do that? love you so much 💜.”
progressive liberal supposedly trans-positive relatives: “be more tolerant” “just drop the subject” “they is bad grammar” “be nice”.
allies amirite? 😭😭
bonus points for treating “you can use he/him if they/them is so hard for you, but it really hurts to always get she/her” as if i was just joking and/or trying to be provocative??
shoutout to progressive democrats, who needs systemic change when you’ve got support like this!
its my fault for being mentally ill or something, how are they supposed to take me seriously when i’ve publicly held an identity for over 3yrs when that could be bipolar? just wouldn’t be fair to Real Trans People. everyone knows bipolar episodes present as stable identities for yrs /intense sarcasm
i’m just. really glad that the other trans people my family know personally seem to be getting much more respect than this. and i’m really glad this shit doesn’t seem to be getting put on my sister the same way. but it’s not okay to do it to me either??
that’s the thing that i think is getting missed is im not crying cause she makes mistakes sometimes. i’m crying cause she’s never even tried in over 3 years. if she even got it right 5% of the time i would be overjoyed at the effort but instead im in trouble with the whole family for being hurt.
they fucking suck and you deserve way better - way more than 5%. i’m sorry you have to go through this with people who are supposed to care about you and your needs and don’t put in an ounce of effort to meet even the simplest ones
you’re beautiful and great and you deserve support from your family
they think my gender is some “point i’m trying to make” or “just being argumentative” or “symptom of mental illness” and they don’t do this to other trans people including my sibling, they would “never be transphobic [to “real” trans people]” & it just hurts so fucking much it’s been over 3 years 😭😭
what the fuck??? singling you out is even worse! i hope their hypocrisy ends up slapping across the face hard enough to knock some sense and love back into their heads
I asked my parents on an occasion where I addressed the pronouns thing "do you want me to correct you when you get it wrong?" They said YES! that would be v helpful
Then at the next family event at dinner I corrected my dad many times and not once did he so much as acknowledge that I said anything
i told them early on that i would correct them to help them get used to it and that it wasn’t an attack it was help and they said sure but now im in trouble any time i even mention that im trans.
i know, and she knows. she used to be an english teacher and a professional editor and i have shown her the history of they/them pronouns in singular use.
not to mention she uses singular they in regular speech already when she doesn’t know gender/pronouns and i’ve pointed this out. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
i don’t even bother trying to get neopronouns or it/its from them, i get this about they/them pronouns. i’ve been offering for 1.5 years that if he/him was easier, that was preferable and i fully got laughed at as if that was preposterous. i don’t know what im even supposed to do 😭
i don’t think i can do that unless i move and this is the first stable housing i’ve had in a decade 😭 if i had a car i could go lower contact but cutting family off completely just has me homeless in a rural area of the upper midwest without shelters and that’s hard to wrap my head around.
ugh. that’s a tough situation to be in. i would never suggest you put yourself in a worse situation where you would lose housing. you have to do what is best for you with what you believe you can handle/tolerate. i just mean to say that they should feel lucky to be able to have you around at all
i sometimes wish i could but i co-own my house with family and i often can’t get to the doctor or in critical errands without family support and im in a small “city” where they show up places i might be to check on me and stop at my house without warning so i wish i even knew how to go lower contact
if i had a car things might be wildly different but im about to have to depend on good will from parents to stay housed again even very soon with my job going away so im scared that ive just ruined that even by being hurt at all.
i just don’t get how saying “i feel hurt that you haven’t tried in over 3 years, i love you and know you don’t want to hurt me” is not being tolerant.
also sinking in that she said she’s been referring to me a certain way for over 30yrs when i came out to the whole family at 28 😭😭
I mean, there is an adjustment period, but if they're not going to put the effort in, then fuck 'em. They clearly don't respect your boundaries or wishes.
i’m unfortunately geographically isolated in a way where i often have to depend on family for rides to doctor appointments and stuff, and cutting off family is zero percent a logistical possibility right now.
they also don’t do this to other trans people. just me.
I live with my parents, who still use she/her after years. Their response is defensive and the same. I hate it. It hurts so much. I hate that you have to deal with this too ♥️♥️♥️ you deserve better
they moved me to the remote region of the upper peninsula of michigan without having a car with “you can ask family for support” and i just got told that if i can’t drop the subject i should stop “asking for favors” (such as transportation for medical care) & i just don’t know what im supposed to do
I'm sorry, I wish I could give you rides! I refused to give up my car when I became unemployed and I'm glad they didn't push it because it's my only independence. That kind of control over you sucks. You're right to be upset!!!
i’ve never had the opportunity to own a car and was prevented from getting a license until age 25 and then told after that i shouldn’t be driving a car anyways & ive never had enough money at one time to get around that, but when asked for support it’s “you have plenty of family you can always ask!”
unless they’re using “thou” instead of “you,” people can fuck off with the grammar argument. singular “they” is older than singular “you.”
(more seriously, I’m really sorry. this sucks)
i’ve sent her all sorts of links to the linguistic history and pointed out how often she uses they/them when she doesn’t know someone’s gender, but this has all been perceived as an attack and not helpful context.
