APOSTLE: "One of the main signs of Jesus' presence is stigmata."
FOLLOWER: "What's stigmata?"
APOSTLE: "Nothing, what stigmata with you?"
JESUS: "Can you guys get me down?"
When I die I want to be buried in an unmarked grave, with silver cucumber slices over my eyes and surrounded by hundreds of Warhammer figurines. It'll be my little treat for future archaeologists.
TEMU: Look at this ad. Buy it. You know you want to.
ME: No. I do not desire your wares.
TEMU: But what if our wares were... tits?
ME: BEGONE SLAVE LABOUR SIREN!
Me: I didn't study for this test.
The devil on my shoulder: You can see that person's test. No one would know. No one would be harmed.
The angel on my shoulder: Honesty is a passing grade. Do your best.
The AI in my pocket: Try adding cayenne pepper to your asthma inhaler to keep away ghosts.
I'll only believe reports that Elon Musk is dead when they show his cold, lifeless corpse but this time with Xs for eyes instead of all the other pictures.
I would say if the National Party love roads so much why don't they marry them but honestly it was hard enough getting most of them on board with gay marriage.
