furby hancock

@furbyhancock.bsky.social

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big fan of websites | she/her

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i've trained under the world's foremost pugs to narrow my windpipe and nasal cavity

you can tell this guy thinks he's the deuteragonist 🙄

using anki to practice making peace with mortality

huge mistake dude. hope you like my opprobrium

oh no i totally get it, you're pressed for time that's cool. we can start at 98 bottles of beer on the wall instead

when you try to squash a bug and they get a status effect instead

my plants after i forget to water them for two weeks: are you mad at me 🥺 my microwave 15 seconds after i've failed to open the door: HEY. HEY. I'VE GOT FOOD IN HERE

(shaking my head and not lowering my gun) that healthline article wouldn't have lied to me

(overhead view of a hedge maze) phone eats first

waiter, there's a hideous reflection in my soup

(drawing the curtains and heading to a wall of vhs tapes) what sunlight are you feeling? lately i can't get enough of january 12, 1993

fruit fly oral history stretching back dozens of weeks

(talking to my evil friend) good seeing you— (quietly) shit. i'm sorry

watching pirated cam-rip videos of tomorrow's sun

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furby hancock

going back to the gas station to see if they have any new products since 4 hours ago

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furby hancock

PhD in Necromancy OR high school diploma and 150 years of undead practice

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furby hancock

hill giant uber driver just listened to the same field recording of falling rocks 3 times in a row

(sobbing on the voicemail i left the used car salesman) I TRUSTED YOU!!

Hang on. Something for yer troubles, heh. You received 2x HIDEOUS DISH TOWEL

i really shouldn't, but— ah, what's the harm? i'll just make one more mistake, and then i'm done

i have a 'noble savage' view of myself

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furby hancock

they shoulda sent one of them poem guys

(no idea what i'm talking about, or if anything that happens is good or bad) sharpen the contradictions!

(unattended fire in my kitchen) been thinking about buying another house

i appreciate apple music's confidence that i want to hear freddie gibbs - real within seconds of connecting to any bluetooth device

(eating a tart blueberry) that sucked. i can do better than that (eating a sweet blueberry) oouh that was good. i bet the next one will be even sweeter

buying an extra plane ticket for the chicken i'm thawing

cardboard boxes are so cheap till you realize all you're buying is a cardboard box

they should make indignities without all the humiliation

doctors mainly use xanax to treat anxiety. it's a lot easier to put up with patients when you're barred out