George Penney

@georgepenney.bsky.social

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Author of funny books, podcaster, GM of ridiculous TTRPG games. Queer/bi, cultural omnivore. I like tea and cats, not necessarily in that order. I inhale deeply when first stepping in to bookshops and libraries.

https://linktr.ee/Georgepenney

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(Thread) Things spotted on market day in a small city Aotearoa New Zealand: A teenager in a hoodie and tracksuit pants, holding a head of broccoli like a bunch of flowers out to his mum saying "Happy birthday". She clutches her chest in mock surprise before breaking into laughter. (1)

Presenting Lord Vertical the second newest species of Neighbour's Cat in our garden. Brain support cat to Lady Oblong the Destroyer (see previous post). Starer through our windows. Olympic level chonky floof. Maximum scaredy cat.

Overheard in a cafe here in New Zealand: A regular has just been told that her daughter has used her good dressmaking scissors to trim her horse's mane. Warnings of dire retribution and strong words have been issued. The situation is escalating. Bystanders agree that retaliation is the only option.

Is there any greater (evil) joy than waking up early, laying in bed, safe in the knowledge you remembered to put your bin out on time (for once) as you hear the truck outside... And then... the sweet sounds of your neighbour swearing as he frantically drags his bin to the curb Small pleasures...

My new neighbours are having an argument in their driveway about one of them losing the other's book of spells. I don't know what level and flavour of wizardry we're talking about here, or if they're team Gandalf or Saruman, but I endorse their presence in my street. 10/10.

I HAVE WRITTEN my TO DO LIST Due to ELDRITCH forces BEYOND MY CONTROL it has become sentient, grown tiny hooves and teeth and has galloped off behind my printer to snarl at the cables. So I cannot possibly DO anything on it for fear of unforeseen repercussions on the makeup of reality. Right?

I just delivered a MAGNIFICENT impromptu monologue about the oeuvre of Jim Varney, touching gems like Ernest Goes to Camp and Ernest Scared Stupid with many FACTS that I had no idea my brain's been storing since 6 year old me was first exposed to the Ernest contagion. Where is my doctorate?

Today we discovered a new species of Next Door's Cat in the massive garden of our tiny rental here in New Zealand: We shall call her Lady Oblong the Destroyer. So far all signs of intelligence are non existent. She ran head long into a tree and tried to hide behind grass.

(Thread) Things spotted at a packed night market celebrating Matariki in small city Aotearoa New Zealand: Two women (Late teens/20s) standing in an audience mirroring the moves of the the Samoan dancers on a stage, then falling into each other, hugging and laughing when one messes up. (1)

I can't even begin to tell you how much joy this response to my post on stinky cheese has given me this evening. An illustration and explanation of stinky cheeses if they were a part of a secret French train driver's union? Perfection. Sometimes... just sometimes the internet is truly wonderful.

I tried to explain it like this, the Grand Cheese is the big boss, his job is mostly to make sure that everything is well. The Bleu is a HR that hires Gruyères, very unsmelly, to train (eheh) them until they are ready to turn into Morbier (I dunno about the process exactly), Morbiers can apply to

Just chilling out watching The Mandalorian for the first time (late to the party for the win!) No one told me it was Wolf and Cub guest starring Werner freakin' Herzog and wondrous two legged piranha tadpoles! (Blurrg!) What is this majesty?

Does anyone else start naming nuts like Harlan Pepper in a Harlan Pepper accent whenever they're in the nut aisle at the supermarket? Or is it just me? It's just me isn't it? www.youtube.com/watch?v=3COp...

Best in Show (4/11) Movie CLIP - Naming Nuts (2000) HDwww.youtube.com Best in Show movie clips: http://bit.ly/2qbb3ITBUY THE MOVIE: http://j.mp/XjobbZDon't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6prCLIP DESCRIPTION:Ha...

(Thread) Things spotted on a very rainy market day in small city Aotearoa New Zealand: A man (60s?) standing under bakery truck awning speaking to another man: "Yeah the honey's good here. But did I tell you about the secret militia?" Other man nods thoughtfully, buys are garlic loaf. (1)

This morning, due to morning, I accidentally made myself the weakest, dish-wateriest, insipid cup of tea ever known to humanity. (Imagine frog pee. That is how bad. Yes. I know.) My lovely partner abruptly confiscated it and declared me unfit to caffeinate myself and made another.

My fridge is currently being possessed by a STENCH from the STINKIEST of stinky cheeses. The cheese will inevitably be ridiculously delicious, but I do have some concerns that the stench has evolved sentience and will soon require an exorcism. Or its own tax number.

Library people here: Is there a secret pit of eternal tentacle slapping, SHHH, stinky goo and primordial screaming that you keep especially for people who do this to library books? And if not. Can there be? I mean I'd be happy to help design it. I'd add in extra screaming. No charge.

I just finished reading Mick Herron's Slow Horses. Huge thanks to the lovely people who recommended it. Are the following books in the series as good? I'm a bit scared to venture forth and ruin the good book high.

I found an entire battalion of tiny ants chilling on the lid of my kettle this morning. Suddenly my kettle is an ant tourist destination? "Witness the incredible views of dishrack and sponge! Marvel at the unwashed plate from last night's stealth crumpet! Smell the toast!"

TODAY IS A DAY for dumplings... Work too... Work could be somewhere in there. But definitely dumplings.

Standing in the feminine hygiene section at my local supermarket and a woman in her 40s/50s walks up to the tampons and mutters to herself in a disgruntled voice. "Better get some fanny bungs as well." (FANNY BUNGS!)

(Thread) Things spotted on market day in small city Aotearoa New Zealand: Two women with incredibly posh Kiwi accents standing in line for coffee: First: Oh. I've only got two sucking sweets left. Second: Did you like the tissues I got you? First: Yes. They go very well in the piano room. (1)

My entire house smells like roasting pumpkin and it feels like a weirdly comforting hug from a beloved vegetable friend. (I've totally made today's lunch weird. Making pumpkin soup's gonna feel like murder now. Tasty tasty murder.)

I freakin' love New Zealand😊 Picture of my local florist's wares today.

Question for the chompy film connoisseurs out there. On a scale of Deep Blue Sea to Virus Shark, where does Under Paris sit? I mean I'm gonna watch it because Shark Movie. But I just want to know if I'm gonna be cackling with glee or gleefully groaning at the badness.

I just met my neighbour from 10 doors down. Well, when I say "met" it largely involved watching a grown man in his socks chase a small cream coloured cat who'd raided his washing line for his undies before scarpering into my garden and beyond. Cat and underpants are still at large!

I've just been informed by my lovely partner that the term "The duck's nuts" is a Kiwi/Aussie thing and not universal. This does explain the very bemused looks I've gotten over the years 🤣

It is my birthday today. I don't do birthdays usually, but I woke up to 2 board games, chocolate and a just-made cup of tea. Plus next door's klepto cat brought me our other neighbour's slipper and gave good snuggles. So far so good😊

(Thread) Things spotted on market day in small city Aotearoa New Zealand: A small human distraught that her threadbare brown teddy does not get a milkshake like hers. Patient father explaining that teddy doesn't have milkshake holding paws. Small human looking entirely skeptical. (1)

BEHOLD the MAJESTY of the free onion bin at my wonderful locally owned fruit and vege market here in Aotearoa New Zealand. You can take as many as you want after doing your shopping. Last week they gave away free pumpkins too. Tonight's French onion soup will be MIGHTY! (With extra cheesy toast😁)

My lovely partner Tony paused in his morning ritual of blank staring, gruntling, coffee drinking and reading Phys Org articles to ask "Is peeing ever specifically mentioned on posters of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?" Random Science Brain strikes again!