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Do you feel this way about all pickled produce (kimchi, kraut, pepperoni, enz) or just the standard brined cucumbers?
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You're mutuals with someone for years, you think you know them....
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Side note. The show this gif is from is delightful
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Right? I could get behind pickles. But kimchi and pepperoni?
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I've found some quite decent non-sweet dill pickle relish in the grocery recently. It won't help you since you don't like pickles, but it not only stays on sandwiches, it works in deviled eggs as well, which was one of the Lifehacker author's issues.