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I'm watching election returns from the UK because it's nice to see some good news for a change.
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Of course, I rarely know what they're talking about. "Labour has made a notional gain in Cripping & Bonesbury!" Uh, yaaaayy!
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Labour has gained the Paisley seat! And has also gained Lothian East! Labour holds Narnia! And Argyle! Numbers coming in soon from Treacletart!
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Penny Mordaunt, the Conservative whose name sounds the most like a villain in a YA fantasy novel, has lost her seat. Or riding. Or perhaps fallen off a horse, and jolly good that, too.
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Things are coming down to the wire in Shrieking-by-the-Sea...
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Praful Nargund haș lost, despite being a mythical dragon from Wagner's Ring Cycle...
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Nigel Farage has won a seat in Eric Clapton. To celebrate his victory he will eat three immigrant children, or "dusky veal," as they're known in the Reform Party...
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The Tories have held their seat in Great Pillock, but it'll be a much harder fight in Pemmican Loosely and Garth.
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Excuse me, "Thangam Debbonaire"?
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So, Reform has won Boston & Skeksis and the Conservatives lost Nelwyn Frampton. The Sackville-Bagginses have yet to speak.
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I spoke too soon. Suella Sackville-Braverman has held her seat in Gilesham and Waterlouisville. "Take that, Frodo," she was heard to mutter darkly.
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Richard Holden has eked out a win in Basildon & Billericay, earning his nickname of "Basildon Dickie" once again.
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So noted. bsky.app/profile/kurt...
Penny Mordaunt, the Conservative whose name sounds the most like a villain in a YA fantasy novel, has lost her seat. Or riding. Or perhaps fallen off a horse, and jolly good that, too.
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Any idea if the former prime minister held off the challenge from Count Binface?
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I think it's still too close to call.