Penny Mordaunt, the Conservative whose name sounds the most like a villain in a YA fantasy novel, has lost her seat. Or riding. Or perhaps fallen off a horse, and jolly good that, too.
Nigel Farage has won a seat in Eric Clapton. To celebrate his victory he will eat three immigrant children, or "dusky veal," as they're known in the Reform Party...
Johnny Mercer, composer of "Hooray for Hollywood" and "Moon River," has lost his seat in Plymouth Moorhen to
Labour’s Fred Wedlock, still officially the Oldest Swinger in Town.
[This is of course, not true. That is Lucia Mapp-Bridgerton, Lord High Executioner of Northumberland, and she's simply announcing a list of Tory politicians being transported to Australia for their crimes.]
Bloomsbury Circle will probably be overdue, but Dark Mutterings is going Conservative and both the Firth of Forth and Fifth of Scots are solidly Labour.