Celebrating our independence from a monarchy while on the brink of a dictatorship feels unsettling. Like when you get a birthday reminder on Facebook for one of your friends who’s dead.
Mike Huckabee’s son hanged a dog. Sarah Palin’s son stood on one. Tomi Lahren kicks hers. Mitt Romney drove with his on the roof of his car. Ted Cruz abandoned his. Kristi Noem shot hers. In conclusion, Republicans are a bunch of dog-hating sociopaths.
TGIF is such a great thing to say on Friday to your coworkers because it’s really just a subtle way of saying “I’m so happy I don’t have to talk to any of you for the next 2 days” but you can’t get in trouble for it.
My neighbors who constantly let their little dog shit on my lawn and don’t pick it up just put up a Trump sign. Bad news for them because my dog is massive.
Republicans: 4/20 should be a national holiday!
Us: Huh? We thought you guys were ANTI- marijuana.
Republicans: [writing out birthday cards to Hitler] What the hell is marijuana?
But if we hold one rich white man accountable for his actions, what’s next?! Holding SOME rich white men accountable for their actions?! It’s a slippery slope.
imagining being a kid and my parents being like "you can either watch this cg movie about intergenerational trauma that will make us cry or "Fartzo The Cowboy Butt Who Explodes." it would be no contest and yet the marketplace is mostly devoid of Fartzos
the children yearn for chaos
It’s never too late to pursue your dreams. Write that novel. Run that marathon. Climb that mountain. Cast that spell. Befriend that wolf. Meet its pack. Earn their trust. Train them to do your bidding. Embrace your new life as the forrest Wolf Witch.
