💩 Poster, Poster of 💩.

The First 2024 Presidential Debate By The Numberswww.theonion.com President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump are set to face off for the first presidential debate of 2024 in Atlanta, GA. The Onion breaks down the most critical facts and figures of the hig...

87%: Average viewer’s blood pressure spike. 135,000,000: American adults who were apparently worse choices for president. 73: Undecided votes at stake.

Wait for it...

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Might as well release this comic for the holiday. A rare nose and ears comic mostly because I wanted to draw Ringo like that.

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Couldn't shake the idea of Charlie as Ringo and now I've drawn this.

It's hilarious how you point out that somebody didn't say what others are accusing him/her of and the blithering dumb dumbs automatically assume you're a sock puppet because they can't comprehend anyone else disagreeing with their bull poo.

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A new audience for ol' Jo

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Subway Manager Shows New Hire How To Properly Soak Bread In Mop Waterwww.theonion.com LEBANON, IN—Noting that the sandwich-making technique was simple but might take a few tries to master, local Subway manager Keith Unger showed a new hire Tuesday how to properly soak bread in mop wate...

Satan got himself some O.J. this week.

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It’s Irresponsible And Dangerous To Fearmonger About Anything. Except Masks And Lockdowns And Fearmongers.

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Help Slow The Demise Of Media With The Onion’s Annual Click Drivewww.theonion.com Back when it was a great, respected, and profitable business, journalism employed thousands of reporters who worked tirelessly to cover interesting and important stories from around the globe. But now...

After years of neglect, an overreliance on programmatic advertising, and predation by private equity firms, the industry is but a desiccated husk of its former self, crawling toward death with nothing and no one but The Onion to save it.

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that folx who wanted it dismantled are not satisfied by that fait accompli but are now fighting to eliminate every trace of its scientific AND ideological basis 🤷‍♀️😔 7/7

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wants to be a Good Person despite joining the group now acquiescent to laissez-faire eugenics +also, wants to be able to pretend to himself internally that he is making good decisions. so it's interesting how even after completely dismantling public health as a noble/sensible practice 6/7

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themselves and/or protecting ppl around them. why? it's apparent imo. he knows that *not being protective* - despite that this is majority behavior of late - is viewed realistically by a segment of folx as /being uncaring, reckless, antisocial/ he wants to have cake +eat it 5/?

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they're removed from public *for his convenience* (at scale, for the convenience of every other hubristic person who thinks public health is privatizable) BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. no, he needs them to disappear *harder* his sensibilities are offended by every instance he sees of folx protecting 4/?

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the group is for folx who've been told by society (by this dude in macrocosm) "i don't believe the bad things will happen to ME so im not gonna do simple things to protect the rest of y'all" so this group he maligns is actually, weirdly enough, *doing what he wants* they're removed from public 3/?

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when i checked the profile, dude's latest was a screenshot of a 'still coviding' meet-up announcement which he described mockingly/concern-trollingly as ~ 'traumatized ppl soaking in their trauma' but this group ONLY EXISTS bc of ppl like this dude it's necessitated by society-wide denial 2/?

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had an interesting/illustrative drive-by interaction with a dude who's very focused on denigrating covid caution even as he insists it's unnecessary now, for what other disease prevention is this done? do ppl try +convince others not to eat well, not to pursue good sleep, etc? lol ofc not. 1/?

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Adding people to lists like "bigot" or "Nazis" should be done only when they make unambiguously bigoted and Nazi statements. Adding people simply for disagreeing with you on a given topic is not only wrong and incorrect; it cheapens the very terms "bigot" and "Nazi."

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Nickelodeon Announces Dan Schneider Has Been Chemically Castrated With Slimewww.theonion.com LOS ANGELES—Saying the channel would do everything in its power to make up for the writer and producer’s years of toxic, abusive behavior, Nickelodeon announced Thursday that Dan Schneider had been ch...

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Resistance Is Useless, Says Epidemiologist

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BREAKING: CDC Announces It’s Stepping Down To Spend More Time With Its Family, Says “My Work Is Done Here”.

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New comic on Patreon! www.patreon.com/posts/lin-ma... Subscribe to see the full comic! Also subscribe to see me footage of me doing the Charleston against my will.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Sparks Engagement Rumors As Girlfriend Flaunts New NDAwww.theonion.com LOS ANGELES—Fueling rumors that the 49-year-old star was finally settling down, Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted with girlfriend Vittoria Ceretti on Thursday as she flaunted a new nondisclosure agreement...

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Mark Zuckerberg’s Spouse Suspicious After He Begins Referring To Her As ‘Human Wife’www.theonion.com MENLO PARK, CA—Noting that the Meta CEO had been acting rather strange lately and was using his Oculus far more than usual, Mark Zuckerberg’s wife Priscilla Chan admitted she was suspicious Thursday a...

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Don’t Worry Your Little Head. If Repeat Covid Infections Lower Your Intelligence, You Can Top It Up With Artificial Intelligence Instead.

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