Stephen Farrow

@stephenfarrow.bsky.social

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Writer, reader, grammarian, shower singer, theatre addict, news junkie, eyeball-roller. European. Powered by Vimto. Love language, hate sushi.

#FBPE

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Pizza again, because the pepperoni needed using up:

The balcony door handle In silhouette against the living-room curtains. (Really, what did you think it was? Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Tuesday.

The New York Times. I think the word I'm looking for is "douchenozzle".

Ouch.

"Hey, kids. Your essays are shit."

Do I have a yellow foam-rubber poo from the Unko Museum in Tokyo sitting on a shelf above my desk? Why, yes. Of course I do.

Duck.

Oh my God. No.

Today's masterclass in how to earn yourself a block. I don't care who it is. Advocating violence towards anybody - and I do mean ANYBODY - isn't clever, isn't funny, and isn't something I'm going to tolerate on my timeline. Garbage like this post - and idiots like Joanne - are part of the problem.

Your regular reminder that the closed captions in Japanese travel videos on YouTube are a gift that keeps on giving:

Mr. Nigel Farage, noted publicity whore, is going where he isn't needed. Again. And of course he conveniently forgets that his own cynically provocative rhetoric about migrants was one of the factors that led to the murder of a British MP.

Starting (ahem) to suspect Liz might not be entirely sane.

A news headline further down my timeline reminded me of this:

Zapiekanki.

It's more than a little bit horrifying that this even needs to be said. (Granted, our third woman PM was the kind of epic flaming catastrofuck-with-bells-on that would be dismissed as too ridiculous if you invented her as a fictional character, though her incompetence was unrelated to her gender.)

Flashback to my dinner. Or, things you can't do without breaking eggs:

So hard.

GBeebies on the ball as usual. I mean, there were two suitcases containing human remains - which, yes, probably indicates some kind of illegal activity. That's not what you pack in a suitcase if you're just going on holiday.

Moo.

Your regular reminder that Daily Express readers can easily be outsmarted by their underpants:

If you see this, quote-post with a tree-lined path of your own:

If you should stumble upon this, a tree-lined path would be lovely.

"First, you're going to need several rolls of duct tape and a staple gun..."

Made pizza, because fuck it, it's Friday.

Deep.

Stand back. She's chewed through the restraints again.

So. We meet again.

Fun fact: there isn't a bus stop on Alma road.

Just been to Sainsbury’s in Slough again. I need danger.

Because obviously when I’m looking for an opinion on someone’s suitability for political leadership the first place I turn is a superannuated recovering sex addict who hasn’t been relevant since the late 1990s.