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Ben Collins doing the Lord’s work.

NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO. We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and will share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited.

The Onion Is Sold by G/O Mediawww.nytimes.com The satirical news website was bought by a new firm in Chicago that took inspiration for its name, Global Tetrahedron, from a book written by The Onion’s staff.