I know it would probably end up being some kind of “horrible unintended consequences” situation, but I reckon I’d use one of my three genie wishes to make all of the streaming apps on my TV agree on what the damn volume numbers mean
Me: I have life admin tasks I don’t want to do. I need a lifestyle submissive to delegate them to
Spouse: It sounds like you actually need a personal secretary
Me: Yeah? That’s what a lifestyle submissive is!
Spouse: You would make a very bad CEO, possibly to the point of prosecution
JABberwocky, in partnership with @zenoagency.bsky.social, is thrilled to announce that this summer, we will be re-issuing six titles by the Pushcart Prize, World Fantasy, British Fantasy, Bram Stoker Award-winning author Jonathan Carroll! awfulagent.com/jonathan-car...
Things I never thought I'd be in a privileged enough position to say: "Hey it's been really cold so I turned the temperature on the heated toilet seat up a notch"
I have had two cocktails and a generous glass of wine and I’m doing my best to convince myself that this is an entirely appropriate level of alcohol consumption for a weeknight and that I will face zero comeuppance in the morning
Everyone’s making fun of this guy but the early 2000s Outlook Express version of this mistake was how I found out my ex husband was definitely cheating and he was a sysadmin!
I went for a walk in the park the other night with a boy I’d just had dinner with and it was a bit confronting to see all the danger tape and “warning: asbestos!” signs still everywhere
[At the gay club]
HIM: Dude what’s in your pocket?
ME: I’m doing the handkerchief code thing.
HIM: That’s a semaphore flag. Where did you even get this?
[Meanwhile, at sea]
SAILOR: Sir the merchant frigate has indicated it’s a bottom into blowjobs
National Reconciliation Week has always been more for whitefellas than for mob but this year it feels particularly toothless after the shit that went down around the referendum
I’m up to the bit in the Interview With The Vampire show where Louis and Claudia meet the Theatre de Vampires crew and the TV show version is giving extreme Theatre Queers At Rocky Horror Picture Show vibes
What's something about you that sounds made up but it's not? Mine is one time I made a t shirt for my bicycle gang and it looked too much like a motorcycle club logo so I had to go before a Bandidos general and plead my case to use it and also not to be killed
There is Discourse going on on Twitter prompted by a Reddit post about a guy's dying ex asking to see him and his wife forbidding it and I'm like... are the heterosexuals ok?
I have tradesmen working on my bathroom today. I just walked into the living room and noticed that I’ve left a paddle, a flogger and a set of restraints in full view while the tradesmen have been coming and going 😬
I just got a drug warning from the AOD clinical innovation network that I’m on warning that street Valium has been found to be contaminated with large amounts of caffeine which is just SO MEAN!
Last night I did Duolingo completely off my tits at 11:45PM in a nightclub toilet, if anyone needs a benchmark for how healthy or unhealthy their own relationship is with that bloody owl
2024 Comic Reads, Day 121/366:
Wonder Woman Historia: The Amazons (2021). George Pérez got it. Greg Rucka got it. And Kelly Sue DeConnick really, really, really gets it. Historia feels like the work of a true Amazon. Pretty much the best Wonder Woman thing you can make. Marston would’ve loved this.
I’ve just bought tickets for several events happening in the next few months and I’m REALLY noticing how many events of the kind that used to be door sales only are now not only ticketed, but offer an early bird discount if you buy your tickets a couple of months in advance. Seems a bit unfair?
Classic Brisbane airport:
- flight is delayed
- security insisted on checking my bag because my cable management case "looked suspicious" (this has never happened at any other airport)
- announcements about gate changes borderline inaudible even for hearing passengers
