Dan ChickHolla

Profile banner

Dan ChickHolla

@danchickholla.bsky.social

a joke a day keeps the impending sense of doom at bay
Avatar
So THAT’S why threads removed my post!
Avatar
swim meets are so damn long, if anyone ever tries to invent a fifth swim stroke I’m going to assassinate them
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
men will literally drink liquor out of a crystal penis with their alma mater engraved on it instead of going to therapy
Avatar
whenever anyone’s grumpy I find it’s best to say “somebody’s hangry” and pinch their belly
Avatar
[forgetting what craps is called on my way to las vegas]: first thing im gonna do when this plane lands is find a place to shoot some cum
Avatar
sometimes it feels acutely unfair that being a decent shitposter doesn't make you a millionaire and I'm doomed to a life of answering emails for 6 figures
Avatar
wait, if jethro tull's coming at us live from the walt disney concert hall in los angeles california then who's this eating my ass?
Avatar
Avatar
when I post 10 times a day you know I be on my depressive type shit
Avatar
men will literally drink liquor out of a crystal penis with their alma mater engraved on it instead of going to therapy
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
love that every wedding begins with a bunch of toddlers sucking at their job
Avatar
NFTs are wild cause if you're gonna spend $50k for a picture of a meme, it should at least be a huge replica that you keep in a secret collection to show off to a bored woman who can't wait for you to stop droning on about your insipid views on art
Avatar
Linda's not fooled by the "marked vehicle" and "official government credentialing" song and dance
Avatar
love that every wedding begins with a bunch of toddlers sucking at their job
Avatar
when I'm depressed I can't even order a pizza or open up to my wife, who are these gregarious kings calling suicide hotlines?
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
some things to get straight about AI: if you talk to me about it at a party, I will NOT engage with you seriously. I WILL pretend we're talking about Allen Iverson. I WILL commit to the bit
Avatar
“I know he’s the all time leader in 2-point conversions but it seems a bit dramatic to say he’d gonna completely change the world as we know it”
Avatar
some things to get straight about AI: if you talk to me about it at a party, I will NOT engage with you seriously. I WILL pretend we're talking about Allen Iverson. I WILL commit to the bit
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
I hope whoever made "inter" and "intra" mean opposite things is feeling pain right now
Avatar
In middle school I met someone on AIM who sent me a novella her friend wrote and it was a romance story set in Vietnam written in broken English with a confusing alternating first person narration, and it was the most beautiful love story that absolutely demolished me for days.
Avatar
I liked it so much I made my mom read it and her reaction was mostly “WHO sent this to you? WHY are you getting unpublished manuscripts from strangers on the internet?”
Avatar
Spent my whole life thinking this is something that just happens to people, like “oh yeah, I got romance novel fished myself one time *blush*, what can you do I was just a kid, they know how to target adolescents with a heart that’s open to international literature.”
Avatar
I don’t even remember how they sent the story. I feel like when I gave it to my mom it was in the form of a printed out AIM convo, but that can’t be right, can it? Surely that’s just my brain retconning maximum cringe into the memory
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
we don’t need colonial era restaurants, it’s okay to let unseasoned pheasant in parsnip broth get lost to the sands of time
Avatar
is that "no expiration date on gift cards" law Obama passed retroactive? I got some Bush-era Subway bucks to spend
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
[walking into a room with no furniture] my idiot friend who doesn’t have a bean bag chair sewn to his ass: oh shit, oh fuck me: don’t worry bro, i got you
Avatar
forever thinking about the cover band made up entirely of active members of the US Armed Forces who did a cover of “Killing in the Name of” where they sang “heck no, I won’t do what you tell me” and changed absolutely nothing else about the song
Reposted byAvatar Dan ChickHolla
Avatar
men are so competitive a woman could be like “I’m a widow” and they’ll be like “oh yeah? I’m widow…er!”
Avatar
if george washington ever had a single dorito he’d leave his wife
we don’t need colonial era restaurants, it’s okay to let unseasoned pheasant in parsnip broth get lost to the sands of time
Avatar
we don’t need colonial era restaurants, it’s okay to let unseasoned pheasant in parsnip broth get lost to the sands of time