Bucky Isotope

@buckyisotope.bsky.social

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Hell, I love everybody

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ME: *rocks the Casbah* SHARIF: what the

The J D in J D Vance stands for Jeffrey Dahmer, but the fake news media won't tell you that

1) Biden steps down 2) Harris picks Sonic the Hedgehog to be her new VP 3) Harris steps down 4) President Sonic the motherfucking Hedgehog

*puts leash around pet lobster* I think there will be games and lots of friends to play with Pinchy *walks into Lobsterfest* COVER YOUR EYES

You can’t argue with genius

KAMALA HARRIS: *assumes the Presidency* SUPREME COURT BY A 6-3 VOTE: the Constitution clearly says only old white dudes can be President

I love deciding the leadership of a nuclear power with a dick measuring golf argument

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Bucky Isotope

BIDEN: Mountain Dew *crowd cheers* TRUMP: Mountain Dew…Code Red *crowd cheers louder* BIDEN: Mountain Dew…BAJA BLAST *crowd goes absolutely nuts*

When you find a cool stick next to the sidewalk on your way to the mailbox

“There’s no such thing as climate change,” I say from my oceanfront home in Colorado

ME: *hands over a $5 Starbucks gift card* I would like to ensure hugging my anime pillow remains legal CLARENCE THOMAS: *tucks card in his robe* consider it done

*record scratch* You’re probably wondering how I got here

Nobody give Trump a poster of Rita Hayworth and a rock hammer please

If this country keeps finding guilty people guilty, then we are truly lost

*does entire Indianapolis 500 with right blinker on*

Look Mr. Wendy’s, I ordered a chicken club and you gave me a stupid sandwich. I have a car full of chickens on ecstasy here. Help me out.

ME: *walking away crying from a rap battle* how does he know so much about my mom?

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Bucky Isotope

Aries: You are your own worst enemy, but there’s lots of competition.

Definitely an improvement over last time

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Bucky Isotope

ME: Is he going to make it? DOCTOR: No. I’m afraid he’s down with the sickness ME: *crying* oohwahahahah DOCTOR: *holds hand* oohwahahahah

TIRED: telling your kids their dog went to live on a farm upstate WIRED: telling your kids their dog went to live with Kristi Noem

If I were a Boeing whistleblower I would simply not be assassinated by an evil giant multinational corporation

ME: I’ll have a hot dog with everything on it NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: actually it’s not possible to put “everything” on a hot dog, or anything else for that matter, because “everything” contains infinity. Also- ME: shut the fuck up Neil DeGrasse Tyson

WISE MAN #1: I brought gold for the babe WISE MAN #2: frankincense WISE MAN #3: myrrh ME: *pulls out Chili’s gift card* I hate you guys

I wrapped my cat in aluminum foil so government spy satellites cannot monitor when I kiss him on the lips

I absolutely support selling TikTok to either Facebook or Google because they’re great at handling our private information

*Sir Mix-a-Lot shakes magic 8-ball in store* Do I like big butts? NO *hands it back to clerk* This one's defective

Joe Rogan discovering that Donkey Kong isn't actually a donkey

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Bucky Isotope

Kid: Hey look- it's the guy who's terrible at comebacks Me: Why don't you go cook a hot dog