I’m in depression/anxiety hell because I’m flying to Chicago tomorrow to see my dad in his house one last time before they move him to the memory clinic
I don’t know if I hit a maturity point in the last couple of years that made me finally understand my dad, or if it’s just a matter of me paying closer attention after his diagnosis, but it always feels cruel that he started losing his mind just when I was starting to Get his whole deal
The one consolation is that, after my dad’s diagnosis, I immediately said we needed to do an oral history of his life
We recorded in multiple sessions while he was still lucid in his longterm memory
We got 17hrs of interview audio, all of which I’ve had transcribed
A treasure
That’s beautiful. My dad got run over and suffered a massive frontal lobe brain injury that wrecked his memory and destroyed his impulse control. He drank himself to death right after.
I would have killed for the ability to know it was coming so i could have done something like this. :/
I would consider doing video interviews with him, asking about important or trivial stuff or whatever. Maybe you already thought of this or you’d prefer not to, either way wanted to mention since I’m glad I did that with my mum.
You’ll definitely have opportunities. The progression is mostly linear, but there are also strange detours. Mom had times of lucidity all the way until her final year. It’s an added layer of complexity to the grief, but there are moments for true bonding and connection.
Oh wow, perfectly said. It’s such a hard thing to go through for everyone involved. I’m so sorry you’re going through this with your dad. Lost my mom to it last fall, and it truly is heartbreaking. From someone who’s been there: your sadness is always valid. ❤️🩹
Above all, be kind to yourself. There will be moments where you wish it was over already. It made me feel like a ghoul and a jerk, but it is an absolutely normal feeling to have, especially once they get past what you know they’d consider a good quality of life.
I am so sorry. Whether it’s cancer or severe mental illness or Alzheimer’s, it is possible to lose people in dribs and drabs. They are no longer who they were, but they are not gone. There’s no single moment or ceremony and it can feel very disorienting and lonely. All you can do is give your love.
With my mom for a long while it was almost like clockwork that her Alz would progress in some way every 4months, and it was like starting the process over again.
If you need to talk, vent, advice, reach out. A lot of us have been through it and we all wanted more people to be there for us
It sucks, sorry to hear you are going through this. Dunno if this can help in any way but there are two graphic novels which gave me some sort of comfort, or more like there was a familiarity in reading them.
Arrugas by Paco Roca (www.goodreads.com/book/show/24...) and Wij Twee Samen by Ephameron.
I’m so so so so sorry. I hope that you can get some consolation that he’ll be where he needs to be and that he’s got a great family unit to make sure he’s ok. ❤️
