into some real zen koan shit with trying to defuse a very dug-in chain reaction to getting triggered
it goes like this:
-I get scared
-I get loud
-I feel like I’m not being heard
-I get REALLY loud
-people tune me out because I sound crazy
-struggle not to cycle through last 3 steps
it is very annoying that correctly observing a pattern, and being able to trace it all the way back to one of the Classic Traumatic Backstories, does not do shit to alter it
I am staggeringly unafraid of a great many things! to the point of dumbness! things I am not afraid of include: heights, fire, swords, dangerous animals, large social groups of men
one of the worst fears: screaming for help and not being heard
what do I do? replay that shit like it’s Top 40 💀💀💀
I applied some hipcrime therapeutic methods to approximately this set of issues, with mixed results.
There's basically no easy or certain way, you kinda just have to decide "I don't like this and I'm going to work on changing it to the extent I reasonably can" which takes Too Much time and effort.
Would that we got a little button to press when we IDed the problem that says 'Disenfuckenate Brain' but I keep looking for that thing and I'm shit outta luck
at *least* a Certificate of Achievement
me in 1996: getting nasty trauma flashbacks from having pressure on my body, wow this plot line is so obvious it’s boring, send this shit back to the writer’s room
me in the year of our lord 2024: WHY ARE WE STILL CHISELING AWAY AT THIS
