I grew up in a secular Jewish and Chinese family, and for whatever reason (books, mostly) latched on to the idea of Israel as a child and teenager. It was a childish attachment, largely rooted in fantasy and ignorance, but it was very important to my sense of who I was.
As I grew older and developed my own politics, eventually getting involved in political movements, my feelings about Israel began to conflict with what people I trusted on other issues were telling me, and with the steady stream of news revealing an ugly reality.
My initial reaction was denial. Sometimes there was anger. I would avert my eyes from news of what was happening in the occupied territories. When comrades expressed pro-Palestinian views, I told myself that they didn’t understand how antisemitism undergirded their ideas.
It took years, and patient discussion and prodding by fellow Jews and non-Jews, for me to open my mind enough to see that the story I was so attached to about Israel was a fantasy, that the reality violated all of my values, and that I could still think of myself as Jewish.
I think about this all the time these days, because I see so many other Jews lashing out in fear and anger against the reality of what is happening in Gaza, and I truly feel empathy for them, even as I’m frustrated and angry.
It is *exhausting* to keep the reality of what is happening in Israel and Palestine from disturbing your deepest beliefs. I know this because I did it for years! It takes so much energy to refuse to see a starving child, a mass grave, a poet killed in his bed, a teacher struck down.
I read Naomi’s speech about an Exodus from Zionism and I immediately thought of the relief that came from no longer needing to lie to myself about what was really happening. It was devastating, briefly, and I blamed myself for being so blind, but then it was emancipatory.
Changing my mind about Israel was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and then one of the easiest. And I guess I just want to say to any Jews who might resonate with this, who might also be exhausted by carrying the weight of justifying the unjustifiable, you can put that weight down. Join us.
Beautiful thread. My mother, who is otherwise an incredibly kind, peace-loving person, is suffering under this weight now and I fear that there is not enough time & will left for her to emancipate herself. Heartbreaking.
It was almost impossible for me to wrap my head around antizionist =/= antisemitic. In retrospect the indoctrination was so much deeper than I understood even as I started to evolve my thinking. But my relationship to Judaism is so much stronger once I was able to separate them.
2 points that pushed my thinking:
1. Zionism wasn’t a requirement for being a good Jew in 1900 so it doesn’t have to be one today.
2. Asking myself: are Palestinians who mourn for their families and their homes antisemitic because they don’t support the movement that causes their suffering?
That second part - separating antizionism and antisemitism is really the key. Yes many antizionist are also antisemites but there are so many reasons to be antizionist and still respect Judaism and its people.
This is called indoctrination. Most religions do this to kids for the reasons you state. I kicked my religion in my late teens, alienated my entire fam. But many yrs later see the religion...the etnoreligion...even orthopraxy are weapons. There is no need for religion, and there are real harms.
