It feels awful knowing for sure that there’s at least one person who would go “oh thank god” if I got shot in the head at a campaign rally, so I can’t even imagine how shitty Trump feels knowing millions and millions of people are upset he didn’t get shot well enough. Guy has to be cooked inside.
When was the last time any of you got into an actual fight? Like a fight-fight? Mine was 20 years ago on Halloween because I was very much on acid and took the house party’s bouncer’s stool and tossed it into the street because I thought it was an octopus. Yes I did get my ass kicked.
I didn’t learn much growing up Catholic, but I did learn that any adult who converts is, according to Sister Ann who taught Sunday school, “trying too hard.”
Sincerely hope starting a Springsteen tribute band is the craziest thing I hear about Hank Azaria doing. I don’t know what will happen to my brain when Simpsons actors start turning. Probably something good?
The lady who butchered the national anthem last night says she was drunk; which makes it even worse. How do you get too drunk to sing? Nobody has ever been drunk and sang poorly.
People don’t get offensively wealthy and develop a fragile ego, they get offensively wealthy because they have fragile egos. Every rich person I’ve ever met is a god damn baby.
im starting to believe trump getting no bump out of barely escaping live hot assassination because everybody's mom is openly wishing it had worked is going to be the case because its the funniest option
It’s nice to know that there’s some consistency with kid logic throughout history. The boy’s number is 16 and I asked him why and he said it’s because it’s double his birthday number (8) and I did the same thing and ended up with 30, and my nephews all did that too. Just rock solid logic.
Tenacious D breaking up because of Trump's ear getting winged is making me so mad I'm actually a little worried about me. I shouldn't be this mad, but the man broke up the greatest band that ever lived.
Knowing now that JD Vance is younger than me and also uses a stage name, this is going to be light work. The guy is a bad open mic comic who made friends with a club owner. Trump will be sick of the guy under performing within a month and he’ll do his best to ratfuck him.
JD Vance is younger than me and went to Yale? Well, that’s good news. Means we can make him cry and quit pretty easily. Just have to ask him to do one minute of manual labor.
They need to go back to when the home run derby was just 2 rounds of 10 pitches and every hit that isn’t a homer was an out and also mid 90s Ken Griffey, Jr is in it through science or magic.
In little league we had a home run derby during opening weekend and one player from each team got to do it. I was never picked because I suuuucked at hitting. If they’d had a fielding competition or a legging out singles challenge I would’ve rocked that shit.
I remembering very clearly being 7 years old and learning about Babe Ruth and being like “wow somebody did all that!” and then my grampa showed me a picture of him and I was like “wait what him?”
I am genuinely curious how far I can hit a baseball. Probably at least 20-30 feet. Maybe 40? What is the most feet anybody has ever hit a baseball? 50?
Maybe the home run derby will have something amazing happen that unite America in the special way that only baseball can. Teoscar Hernandez a lonely nation turns their eyes to you.
Listening to Blood Meridian on audiobook while I work out and just staring at the weights and swaying side to side for a little while before laying down on the floor.
