National Security Counselors 🕵: You have to dip an eggplant into salt water to symbolize bathing your massive phallus in liberal tears

A lot of people—including me—recently saw a Cybertruck in the wild for the first time. Is there a support group? Are we entitled to compensation?

Hello. I was reading on a park bench & looked up & there was a cyber truck just, like, there & I horror movie final girl screamed at the lady emerging from it with a bucket in her hand.

I have seen three separate cybertrucks in the wild. (I know they are individual sightings because one was green and the two naked ones were in different cities.) This means that I have personally laid eyes on 0.075% of all cybertrucks that exist. It’s wild to me that that’s a calculable number.

I’m so sorry that happened to you 💜

The green one was so startling. It was vinyl wrapped in a flat olive drab and it somehow looked even worse than the steel ones. Have you seen the one that someone unwisely mirror polished?

Was it the Master Chief Warthog one?

I don’t know! I didn’t get a good look at it, I was too busy making the Evil Eye

I saw my first one while going to Passover seder. Is the cybertruck the 11th plague?

Paging @akivamcohen.bsky.social who can give a definitive ruling on this.

You have to dip an eggplant into salt water to symbolize bathing your massive phallus in liberal tears

Agreed

Well I'm never having eggplant Parmesan again 😠

Post