Wife: this horror movie is completely unrealistic.
Me:
Wife: the main characters are so stupid look at them walking into an obvious trap.
Me:
Wife: bet he's a warlock and she was under a spell the whole ti-
Me: can we please just finish watching our wedding video?
Prof. Oak: do not fuck with the tall grass
Ash: ok
Prof. Oak: i literally can not stress that enough
Ash: alright
Prof. Oak: now go get my mail from the next town
Ash: how do i get there
Prof. Oak: ok you're gonna laugh
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
You know that scene in Return of the King where Legolas scales a giant elephant shoots some dudes swings on a rope cuts another rope knocks the platform off shoots the elephant in the head with three arrows and slides down the tusk?
Balloon Animal Guy: *deep breath in*
The Hobbit would have gone down differently if I had been Bilbo. For example I have anxiety and depression and the whole thing wouldn't have happened at all.
