a key part of parenting is shit talking your children privately to your spouse when they’re behaving terribly so that you can continue patiently dealing with their bullshit in a loving manner
yeah I mean of course you do, are you kidding? they're great, I adore them, it is extraordinary watching them become their own people wouldn't trade it for blah blah blah they have no. fucking. chill. omg
general question from someone without kids that you don't have to answer, do you get to see the annoying traits of your partners and yourself play out through your kids as they grow up, and what is that like, existentially
I am in AWE of what my dad went through to keep me supplied with books now that I've realized how relentless it is. Among the things I never thought I would want to say to my kids "can you just STOP. READING." is up there
My parents let me bike to the library about a mile and a half away, with Dad's very large camping rucksack, by the time I was about 10 or 11. I don't remember how often I went, but I do remember how full that pack was. I can understand their decision! :)
I still have my adult child's childhood books and they don't have room for them and neither do I. I'm having to try to figure out which ones are emotionally important. (They don't want to do triage, either.)
I don't even want to think about how much money in fines I could have saved as a youngun if I'd had ebooks that returned themselves so I didn't have to try to keep track of them all.
A pretty substantial book Every Day while on a camping bicycle tour! When the handlebar basket got too full, we mailed the excess home. The hunt for books in very rural parts of Germany.
And some of it is nurture/environmental rather than nature/genetic. My daughter and I aren’t blood-related, but she is DEFINITELY *my* kid.
When she was in middle school, several of her friends thought I was the bio-parent.
innate, environment, it all gets fuzzy fast. I have serious phd level education in the literature and innateness and development and faced with my kids absolutely can't do better than "I dunno man different kids are different"
lol my family is doing the discovery in reverse
mom/dad: pshaw everyone is like this
me/sibling: no actually you just think that because _you have whatever I have_
I'm going for hybrid vigor by only dating people who are less ambitious and more chill than myself with the underlying hope we can avoid accidentally creating an Africanized honeybee scenario
I did this, and can report back from the future that they just get whatever genes they’re gonna get in the dice roll, they don’t really mix in the middle. She got his height and my ambition
I mean it's hilarious and also terrible because you don't want to lay your shit on your kids but constantly they are annoying in ways you find immensely, immediately relatable and you just have to swallow that
thank you, that's really enlightening
I feel like while a concern for laying shit is valid, there is a chance of a dialogue there are some point, though, like, there's an age for it, but I honestly came to accept myself because of the ways I was "different" like my grandmother.
Along similar lines, you don’t want to be upset with your kid when you know you’re really upset with your partner and you’re seeing their behavior echoed in the kid.
Specifically to your question: the vertiginous horror of watching your kid do the exact same stupid thing that you used to do and maybe you can't talk them out of it because you're just an adult making charlie brown adult wah-wah noises? It's like screaming "don't go in the basement" at the screen.
Anyway “The Babadook” is the best film ever made about being a parent when you’re barely a functional human being yourself some days and I will be taking no questions about this.
"say," gently, over and over again, "just because you aren't immediately good at something doesn't mean you're bad at it, it just means you need to keep at it," like talking to a wall
This made me think. I think it takes a while for us to try things enough to learn it firsthand, and it's hard for a young person believe they're going to be good at something if they haven't felt what "being good at something" feels like yet.
My daughter has all of my most annoying traits and my son has all of my wife's most annoying traits, and it gives me a new appreciation for how annoying I can be.
Speaking only for myself, I find myself spontaneously texting my own parent to apologize. Holy god, kids (even generally nice, smart ones who I love more than life itself) are fucking feral pigs.
they're MONSTERS. they're the best also yes, I adore them and think the world and won't hear a negative word but OH MY GOD did you leave your dirty dishes ON THE FLOOR
I have found myself standing in my daughter's room, the words "...because this is how you get ants" falling out of my mouth without the slightest bit of irony.
It's a miracle any of us survive to adulthood.
