"Your honor, Mr. Data here is basically a big ol vibrator!"
- cut line from Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 2 Episode 9, "The Measure of a Man".
Every run of the mill crackpot will tell you that turning on the Hadron collider was when everything started going wrong but I know for a fact it was releasing that Robert Downey Jr Dr Doolittle movie. What hath Hollywood wrought?
I want my phone assistant voice to be AC Slater. It will call everyone else Preppy, and call me Mama and will somehow be involved with the current incarnation of Menudo in a way that I'm not interested in learning more about.
I could easily picture the most detailed and haunting simulacrum of an apple in my mind's eye, if I wanted to. Instead I'll just order an apple from Amazon and take a picture with my Android phone. We live in the future.
Are there any strict rules for high school student council contests because I think I'm finally in a place in my life where would make a really good junior class vice president.
These are dark times indeed.
Our news goes un-autotuned.
Dance has stopped evolving.
The children have no association with the word Santorum, positive or otherwise.
This is no longer fine.
I thought my friends would be flattered and impressed that I took the time to come up with impersonations of all of them but to a person they have disabused me that notion. This fuckin world
Same. The Goonies had just been released in the theaters and that's never been true again in the intervening years. That can't be a coincidence, it just can't.
The kid who portrayed Jeremy in Pearl Jam's video of the same name didn't actually kill himself at all!
He opened a moderately successful aquarium supply store in Tarrytown called "No Tappan Zee Glass"
I feel like it's been a long time since I've seen a commercial for mayonnaise. Is it possible that at some point in the past I saw the last mayonnaise commercial of my life and just didn't know it at the time?
Like tears in rain
I'm just a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I'm happy with a simple Beef Bourguignon and croquettes de pomme de terre.
I know I dropped by unexpectedly, but I don't mind waiting while you make that for me.
I admire Tacoma's restraint in not drawing overt attention to the fact that the word Taco features prominently in their name. Their tourism materials barely mention it.
Our sheer nylon pants came in egg shaped containers, and everyone was like "Yeah, that makes sense."
We are stultifyingly incurious creatures and L'Eggs pantyhose are our uncaressed monolith.
I've taken to only falsely logging discontinued brands from the 80s like Bartles and James wine coolers and Batman cereal so that my calorie tracker assumes I'm some sort of unhealthy time traveler.
#doingmypart
