I tried to go to the supermarket but a message popped up saying I was too low level for the area and a woman in yoga pants with a shopping trolley full of protein powder had a skull above her head
I go up to the bar and ask for the unusual. The bartender rolls her eyes. I’m the fourth person that evening trying to get a 2013 Twitter interaction out of her and she doesn’t clock off for another two hours
BLACKTHORNE: Place the barrel of ale outside. We can drink from it later, no one is to touch it until it’s warmed up.
FUJI: < Mariko-sama, I do not understand. Why would he wish to drink a warm ale when we have refreshing, ice cold Asahi? >
I just learned that the owners of Zombo.com are letting go of 350 staff. That’s nearly 70% of their workforce. The vulture capitalist hollowing out of our institutions is unsustainable
When facing your enemy, don’t trip over and have your pants fall down and show your enemy your pink bare buttocks and cry and call for your mother - Sun Tzu
Every year the actors in the MILF category get younger. Before long they will have overtaken the Teen category entirely. Soon enough we’ll have 30 year old GILFs
I love the Wise Keepers of the Faith on this website who post things like “we do not post screenshots from The Other Place here” as if they’re an authority and not just another too-online millennial trying to recapture a feeling they had ten years ago
Everything We Know About Which Number Comes From Putting 2 and 2 Together
For at least a decade, fans of numbers have been looking forward to finding out the number that is created by taking the number 2 and adding another number 2 to the total. Now the moment is almost here--read on to find out wh
Me: Like, there are plenty of valid criticisms about the lack of women in the Lord of the Rings, but the story is one about male relationships and I think there’s a lot of value in that
The Grey Alien I found in the woods: Right, right. And you say you’re the leader of the whole planet?
I take a girl home. We go to the bedroom. She takes off her clothes. “I don’t know how to use that,” I say. “I don’t think I can use that here. Hmm, I don’t want to do that right now.”
A Poison Nut is when you’ve been jerking it but you’re watching some really weird porn when you actually cum. This load is evil and must be disposed of quickly otherwise it will permanently curse your home
Hi new posters and welcome to Bluesky, we do things a little differently here. First off instead of engaging with trolls, press the Missile button next to their post and the USAF will drone strike their position. Second, this network is run off your collective conscious so try not to sleep anymore
I like the idea of becoming a RETVRN guy but for really esoteric things. Civilisation has been going downhill since we stopped having viziers. We need to bring back wearing rings hiding a single dose of poison. What happened to the noble profession of gong farming
100 is a strong number with a lot of history behind it. 1000 is a modern classic, guaranteed to get results. 1,000,000 is too flashy. No one knows what to do with it, most of the time it ends up languishing because people are too worried about damaging it to use it
No one goes on the “world wide web” anymore. Nobody surfs the “information superhighway.” It’s hard to say where we went wrong but I believe it’s because we stopped “going on the computer”
sauron playing geoguesser with the palantir: uhhhh let me see. got a fucked up little guy looking into my orb. gotta be orthanc. yes, close enough. alright next one.
boobs. honkers. breasts. jugs. bazoombas. to us, they’re just one of many sexy & fun to play with human appendages… but to the lactose intolerant, they’re terrifying deadly weapons.
RIP to Henry Kissinger. He tragically died when a power cable in his goon cave got caught in his wheelchair and electrocuted his dick and balls which were touching the metal frame. Paramedics on the scene said they looked like "when you drop a chip in the oven and don't notice for a couple of weeks"
Scientists have discovered a vast and boring ruin beneath the Pacific Ocean. They believe it must have been built by an ancient and uninteresting civilisation using tedious methods long since lost. Investigations will not be ongoing because they can’t be bothered
Highlights of Australia trip, ranked:
1A. Seeing my friends Tom and Demi get married in a beautiful, unforgettable ceremony
1B. Going to the beach and seeing a big wild turkey steal a lady’s apple while she wasn’t looking and when the lady realized what happened she called the turkey a cunt
As much as I enjoy finding people I used to post with on this site, I respect the people who get banned from Twitter and go “well, I think I’m done posting” and retire to I assume a farm upstate
