Flat Pluto Society

@adhdgobl.in

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Clinical research, baseball, and booze nerd living in Philly. My views are not my own. They are yours. You have my views now. Sorry. (he/him)

Discord: flatplutosociety

Avatar: a portrait of me by Tauhid Baudia, creator of Crabgrass comics (crabgrass.fun)

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If you see this post a photo without explanation

if u see this post a photo without explanation

The only thing that is currently keeping the Mariners lineup from being completely unwatchable is that the incompetence is sometimes really, really funny.

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Tron Lebowski

Use promo code ASS-SEX for 10% off Ass Sex

Just gonna do a quick check on other platforms to see how the libs are doing. Oh. Looks like things are going great. Cool.

Cake ...wait, god dammit.

Make a band bready Third Rye Blind

This is the only truly good poem ever written.

Periodically, I like to reread my favorite Scottish poem: Batman's Aff His Nut by Robert Florence.

Me: Why does my phone keep changing campus to Krampus? Phone: You've been very bad this year. Me: You could at least stop misspelling words. Phone: [opening a large bag] Get in the whooping sack, kid, 'tis the season.

Me: Why does my phone keep changing campus to Camus? Phone: There is no higher purpose in life. Me: You could at least stop misspelling words. Phone: *long drag on cigarette* There is no meaning. Duck yoor speeling. Me: Is that a beret? Phone: Oui.

"It's always good when the Astros lose, right?" -Cal Raleigh, in an attempt to burn r/baseball to the ground

My favorite poem is Sonnet XXX by John Goone. "Death, be nut proud"

poetry is a kind of porn too

Gandilf.

tom bombadilf

Snart rights are human rights.

happy pride 🏳️‍⚧️

I don't bake nearly as much as I cook, but this focaccia turned out pretty damn well. I think next time I'll let the dough slow rise in the fridge for a few days to get a little more sourdough type flavor.

I didn't know Fuck Marry Kill was a winnable game, but it has, in fact, been won.

fuck marriage, marry killing, kill fucking

I'm a DNG because I'm raw as fuck.

I’m a gif cause no one knows how to pronounce my name

Find meaning in a broken world? Sorry, there are hot local singles in my area who want to fuck.

find meaning in a broken world? id rather be GAMING

Stop what you're doing and say hi to my fat little friend. He likes raspberries and my dog very much wants to murder him.

Guys, literally not a single person has ever had your company in mind while searching for "bear bottom."

"Are you a boy or a girl?" I'm 43.

“Are you a boy or a girl?” Come back with a warrant

Just asked what my partner was laughing at, and she showed me a screenshot of a @juicysteak117.gay skeet in a Something Awful thread about Cybertrucks, so congratulations on breaking Bsky containment in the dumbest imaginable way.

New, from the makers of seven-fingered hands and detached ears: a drinkable [probably] liquid that will [possibly] taste okay and will [probably] not kill you!

I saw this same ad on the highway, so blockchain really is over in marketing. Guess this is what we’ve got now

Hey liberals, how's it going? Oh, we're dunking on one of the worst people in government for having had a service industry job. Cool, this is good.

If I had a shitload of money, I'd pay for the best plastic surgery and skin/hair routines money can buy, and commission a new painting of myself every month that looks a little older and shittier every time and hang it in my basement.

A bird just pooped on me, AMA.

YES. Perfect, no notes.

If we call post skeets and reskeeks (which iirc was short for SKy twEETS) what do we call the heart button? Shearts?

If Jarred Kelenic ends up as an All Star this season, I am going to become the Joker.

Make a band less Midafternoonwish

make a band less REO wagon

Dating app for poly farmers called Field

dating app for druids called Henge

My project manager is dead. I don't want to debug my code. I just want to FUCK. Click here to see my commits.

More clickbait Jira tickets • You won’t BELIEVE what TESTERS FOUND in THIS RELEASE! • This bug is BAFFLING users - can it be reproduced? CLICK HERE • Does your team struggle with technical debt? Check this expert tip on what to plan for next! • You’ll be SHOCKED at where we found ANOTHER DAMN TYPO

The One With the Adrenochrome Farm

A very satisfying June loss for the only MLB team that has no Pride celebrations whatsoever.