Albert Dubreuil

@awdubreuil.bsky.social

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Last of the Punslingers

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No one has ever left the pool still wearing the band-aid they arrived with.

Guys who go for a run without a shirt are just distracting you from their personality.

They say it’s not a cult yet the MAGA hats are Kool-Aid red.

17yo daughter answering questions at the DMV: “Do you want to be an organ donor?” (Looks at me, I nod) “Yes.” “Do you want to pre-register to vote?” (Looks at me, I nod) “Yes.” “Political affiliation?” “DEMOCRAT!” 🥹🇺🇸🫶

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Albert Dubreuil

Congratulations to the Boston Celtics, a team everyone loves and is happy for, on their NBA Finals victory. :)

KISS had a lot of groupies because it was always makeup sex.

Happy Pride Month to my lovely friends.

Raised by two parents who weren’t very bookish, I was lucky to find Stephen King early on. This piece sums it all up very nicely. screenrant.com/how-stephen-...

How Stephen King Raised Me (Sorry Mom & Dad)screenrant.com Stephen King shaped who I am.

I’ve heard you can totally wipe out 34 felony convictions by injecting yourself with bleach? Big if true.

Someday all these fun sports gambling ads are going to be looked at like we look at Joe Camel today. I’ll give it pretty high odds, anyway.

If my wife made the same salary as Harrison Butker she’d want me to stay in the kitchen too.

My house got egged and I’m thinking the pressure washing company we use had something to do with it.

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Albert Dubreuil

Trump complained to the judge in his criminal porn star hush money trial that he is not allowed to go to the Supreme Court to hear arguments about his immunity claims that would protect him from the riot he caused at the Capitol while President. The fucked up-edness of this moment boggles the mind.

I’ve read enough Stephen King to know I should stay inside during an eclipse. Enjoy your viewing parties / mortal peril though.

Saved money on some solar eclipse monocles. Let’s hope they do the trick!

There’s no case in point quite like being told you’ve used the word “humble” incorrectly.

Cats in the Cradle but it’s about my son beating me at MarioKart.

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Albert Dubreuil

2% of Americans support cutting Social Security. 3% support cutting Medicare. 2% support cutting CHIP. 6% support cutting Medicaid. 9% support cutting housing assistance. 12% support cuts to the ACA. Never forget how harmful and deeply unpopular the Republican agenda is.

Now that my wife comes to the gym with me, I never see the crazy guy there anymore. He used to yell and slap his own face between sets. This has me worried there was some kinda Tyler Durden thing going on? 🤔

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Albert Dubreuil

(with my last breath as I lay dying of smallpox to my 11 year old son who just returned from the mines) save the drainpipes

As long as there’s an open novel for me to read in the guillotine basket I think I’ll be fine.

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Albert Dubreuil

Now that the government is in charge of sports betting, does that free up the mob to do like…high speed railway construction or universal healthcare?

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Albert Dubreuil

Do you know what the 22 countries ranked ahead of the U.S. in happiness all have in common? Universal healthcare. Turns out people are happier when they don’t have to choose between food and seeing a doctor.

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The Kickstarter for New Demons is live. There are lots of tasty treats, from signed books to Tuckerizations… not to mention the book itself. Check it out & if you’re able to support New Demons in some capacity, you have my thanks. www.kickstarter.com/projects/new...

NEW DEMONSwww.kickstarter.com A boundary-breaking horror anthology edited by Joe R. Lansdale, Patrick R. McDonough & Keith Lansdale

Realizing now it was pointless to choose a podiatrist within walking distance of my house.

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Interested in the latest from Joe? All the news and updates are in his newsletter: joehillfiction.substack.com/p/escape-hat... Posted by Joe’s Web Elf

Escape Hatch 055: See You In Blightyjoehillfiction.substack.com GollanczFest2024; Ushers and New Demons; Scott Carson; Dad Viewing

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in 2023, members of Congress got: • $12.5M from Pharma PACs to keep drug costs high • $13.4M from Insurance PACs to keep medical bills high • $6.5M from Real Estate PACs to keep housing costs high But keep listening to those people tell you that immigrants are the problem.

Nintendo is sending him over to see what all the fuss is about.

Down 20 lbs since November and I’m sure it’s not some kinda gypsy curse. (Probably.)

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Albert Dubreuil

Here’s how much these companies gave to the RGA SuperPAC, which is helping to elect the homophobic, Holocaust-denying, conspiracy-theory spreading, misogynist, Mark Robinson as Governor in NC: Microsoft $400k Google $378k CVS $300k Pfizer $300k Amazon $275k Coke $259k