Peter Karlin

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Peter Karlin

@heykarlin.bsky.social

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Look, when it comes to hillbillies from Ohio, I'll take...
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Fries are $11 at Art’s Deli. Half order is $10.
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I get 40 emails a week from all the streamers I subscribe to and 39 of those are for unwatchable garbage. If they were smart, they’d never email me ever again and pray to God I forget I’m paying them month in and month out.
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Saw some extraordinary things on my walk today.
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Watching Fritz Lang’s 1928 silent film “Spies” and realizing that nearly 100 years of technological advancements has resulted in “Argylle”
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This week I learned country songs are about glorifying small towns and rock songs are about getting the fuck out of small towns.
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Our family crest has a depiction of a weak bladder
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The Toby Keith concert on April 9 will go ahead as scheduled.
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Today at Costco two birds landed on this dude’s cart while he was on a call and he just kept talking and ignored them.
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I honestly couldn’t tell you a single Toby Keith song.
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Don’t drink and drive tonight. Keep gambling until you’re sober.
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80s moms watching their kids open Christmas presents
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I’ve been thinking recently that Twitter was due for another crazy twist. It’s been awhile. So maybe tonight’s outage is about to reveal some new atrocity.
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Shall I compare thee to a fucking jerk
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Following the instructions didn’t pan out.
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Someone needs to turn this into an inspiring children's book.
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You know who else feasts on the blood of his enemies? Eeyore.
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Patrol boats have found an oar drifting 30 miles downstream but still no sign of our mascot Swampy.
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Please do not touch the piles of beautiful autumn leaves around the property. Many are covering dead racoons.
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Because we try to remain politically neutral in the community, the solar panels on the roof are only used to power the 100 foot high "Jesus is Lord" sign.
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Of course we cash unemployment checks!
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I want to get in a time machine and go back to 1988 to tell people in 35 years this dude will be running from giant spiders in a godzilla show put on the internet by the apple IIe people and he will be in great shape doing it and the other person thinks the world is run by a secret child sex cabal
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Finally finished Oppenheimer. He liked zoning out, staring open-mouthed while thinking about floating dots. We all do, but I guess it's what you do with it
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Booger’s FINALLY here!!!! Season 3, episode 4.
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My ChomChom roller arrived!
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It wasn’t until the DSM-5 that gambling was labeled an addiction. Before then you could just enjoy gambling without a shrink crawling up your ass.