Mike Drucker

@mikedrucker.bsky.social

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Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. wrote a book about Silent Hill 2. Newsletter: https://tinyurl.com/ytjvhjsb Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .com

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It’s the 4th of July and all I see are people talking about the divisions in America when we should be celebrating our greatest achievement: Launching a world wide offensive against aliens after uploading a computer virus made on a MacBook

You gotta be fucking kidding me with this email

America is super fun! Being homeless is illegal, but being the most powerful man in the country means you’re immune from prosecution!

I hope tonight’s debate helped independent voters decide which candidate is the best golfer

Proud of my work as Biden’s debate coach. I hope he followed my winning strategy: “Talk about important policies the same way you’d describe a weird dream.” Too bad I’m on a road trip with my loving family so I can’t watch tonight. Can’t wait to find out how it went! No spoilers!

America is like a television show in its last season and the showrunner has a deal somewhere else so they’re just trying to rush through to the end

Nothing says “these men aren’t too old” like having a shouting match over their golf handicap

when someone says you’re the worst president in history

This isn’t important in any way, and I know America is in crisis, but there is a subtle battle going on between who has had weirder hair work done

this debate feels like getting your ass kicked even though the game is on Story Mode

disappointed by tonight’s debate performance from Fire Marshall Bill

When you need DayQuil for your throat but accidentally grab NyQuil

I think we can rule out the “Biden took uppers” angle

LET'S GET READY TO SHIT SHOOOOOOOW!

lol, lmao even

Every AI generated video looks like when someone uses stock footage to recreate a movie trailer

I wrote about how I’m personally going to force game companies to put in all the stuff you hate. Calling the CEO of video games as we speak

I’m Personally Going To Force Game Companies To Put In All That Stuff You Hatewww.thegamer.com I'm forcing game devs to make every single game woke, and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

damn, dude

Seeing a lot of comedians disappointed they didn’t get booked to meet the pope this year. It’s a grind, folks. It’s a numbers game. It took me three auditions before I got my pope visit. It can hurt a comedian’s career to meet the pope before they’ve got a TV ready 45 minutes

I don’t always unlock all of the achievements in a game, but sometimes - sometimes - you’re that good

I’d love to cook healthier food but unfortunately when I was growing up my mom acted like even touching raw chicken would kill you on the spot

Every 7 seconds, the average man thinks about Balatro

So psyched to finally get to see my friends’ new comedy, Mars. Got to hangout with Sam Brown and Timmy Williams yesterday for the first time in years and it healed my soul. I can’t wait for this. I love these guys and their comedy so much.

Man, the week of Memorial Day is ROUGH for that family

“If a president can face consequences for breaking the law, you could too!” isn’t the compelling argument people seem to think it is

former 1-term president, current 34-count felon

34 counts of lol, lmao even

I wrote for the Sports Emmys last night and the gift bag included the last suit I’ll ever wear

A few of the most annoying people online have become angry at this joke column I wrote. I apologize to anyone who has experienced such a strong emotional response to it.

Hi, I’m An Idiot Who’s Mad About Everything In Video Games Except The Layoffswww.thegamer.com Who cares about people losing their livelihoods when Assassin's Creed has a black protagonist?