As a social media skeptic, I enjoy these articles about people giving up dating apps and touching grass. But I really think they downplay the enshittification process.
I don't care what the executives say. Of course the algorithm refuses to match compatible people.
www.vox.com/even-better/...
If you meet someone and fall in love, you will delete the app! Their entire business model is keeping engagement up. So of course all they will serve up to female users is a non-stop stream of fuckboys.
I bet having a good job and interesting hobbies kills you on the algorithm, if you're a man.
I'm skeptical of these articles claiming the fuckboy-to-decent-guy ratio is worse than ever. Polling data suggests otherwise. But honestly, so does just touching grass. When I go to events like concerts, men are way better behaved than when I was young. It's heartening.
I agree with you that the kids especially the boys seem better than they were when I was their age. Culture has gotten better. So I think they reflect that 80's comedy behaviors are not as appropriate. Not perfect by a long long shot, but better.
I went to a music festival last month and the guys under 40 reacted to the female-led bands in the exact same way they did the male-led bands. In the 90s, they would have been spitting, yelling, and making threats.
Repeated pulling of the fruit machine handle of Bumble or Hinge (with growing frustration) doesn't lead to any matches, so it's what is going wrong or what am I doing wrong. For someone (non-youth + shared cust) with limited social network and constrained time, how else is one to meet people?
I feel you.
Though since I deleted the two apps I used I certainly felt a relief and it was good for my mental health. My last match on one of those places really made me feel like shit and was quite pretentious about who she was.
I‘m glad this crap is no longer in my life.
So, I actually wasn't trying to be sarcastic or gotcha on you. I'm sorry if it came across that way. My experience is that men with good jobs and interesting hobbies are in shorter supply numerically than women with same, and that is one (but only 1) reason apps are hard for women.
Sorry if I misunderstood. I have no doubt that eligible men are in shorter supply than eligible women. But my point is that they would have every reason to use the apps, too, but I suspect the algorithm pushes them down compared to guys who blanket women with "wassup".
Think that's too cynical. I'm sure the algorithm does amplify pushy guys because they're giving it stuff to amplify. No one thinks dating apps are a good way to meet a future spouse. They're on the "this person is x metres away" app because they're looking to hook up. And fuckboys are fine for that.
I met my wife (of 15 years) on my first online date. She had to wade through years of fuckboys. The real difference seems to have been using one of the ones that actually charges a monthly fee instead of relying solely on engagement. It meant more of the people on it were serious.
I met my partner of 18 years on MySpace lol. But that was surprisingly easy because it was just connecting through existing spiderwebs of people you actually know.
Mine of 20yrs thru activism. Being in the spaces where the people you would probably find something in common with are likely to be works well. Lot of apps can give you that but not random dating apps (although they are fun too, I'm quite jealous, would have saved a lot of time in my fuckgirl days).
Yhea. We didn't have that. I was new to DC and working in an office where just about everyone was married. Only had one friend in town at the time and once me dating his roommate cratered he convinced me to build a profile. 👍
As a person who does offline stuff and is on dating apps for the laughs, we need to stop telling people that either method will find them love. There’s no guarantees. I think part of the problem is that lots of people (men) don’t care about compatibility. They like women who aren’t compatible.
I think a lot of the advice they give could go for online dating. Treat the person on the other side like they are human, be interested and interesting, and don’t get butthurt if they aren’t interested.
