Spelunker stuck in cave: oh no, who's gonna help me?
Spelunker to camera: you have to send a maniac to catch a maniac
**Puts on yellow helmet with flashlight**
Entirely true. I follow a Youtube channel called "Scary Interesting." Most videos have leaned toward awful scenarios, but especially mine disasters, getting lost in caves, and most scary of all CAVE DIVING. Cave divers have a death wish, I'm convinced.
And you'll be cold, and wet and muddy, and even with safety gear you'll bump your head. And you'll get to the end and find out the water is to high to go out, and you have to backtrack. And you really aren't fond of fireballs candy, but at least its distracting and it's all the scout leader has...
In retrospect, it was also in a cow pasture with the creek flowing in, so "muddy" is being kind. And apparently the exit is actually off to the side, so it's more that we missed it than a water level thing. But that doesn't make it better. (~30+ years later, and I may still have some trauma).
My dad used to DO this! He spelunked! Voluntarily! It was long before I was born but once I learned about it I have never quite trusted him the same way, like I now am concerned about your judgment and don’t want you to hold sharp objects
And it'll take hours or maybe days for you to die a painful death in a darkness so deep that it seems to get brighter when you close your eyes. I'd rather be eaten alive while on fire.