Coach Rusty: Why am I perfect for this job at Lowe’s? Well I don’t know shit about fuck and I hate everyone so you do the math

Why am I perfect for this job at Lowe’s? Well I don’t know shit about fuck and I hate everyone so you do the math

You'll fit right in!

THANK YOU

god I loved working at [REDACTED BIG BOX HARDWARE STORE] as a miserable bastard. Watching the light dim in a family of four's eyes on a Saturday night as you tell them exactly how far on backorder that microwave is. Nothing like it

That does sound thrilling

Sounds like you hit all the requirements on the head

Can you also somehow be completely unable to be found by customers at all times?

It will be my top priority

Uhh you guys are basically the army and will accept anyone who can show up sober and on time?

Gawd, I hope you're the guy I ask to help find the proper plumbing item I need.....

There’s tons of folks just like me so stay safe out there

pretty sure being able to do math is a disqualifier at lowe’s (true story: last time i asked for a sheet of plywood to be quartered, did some more shopping, came back and they had cut it into four… four 1 foot wide by 8 foot long boards)

those sound like quarters to me

need a job? lowe’s is hiring

You’re hired, starting pay is $8.75 in Florida.

DEAL

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