HERE'S A TOPICAL JOKE THEN it's not just will smith banned by the oscars it's jada pinkett-smith as well because they won't nominate her because they can't say her name out loud because then will smith will slap them for saying it (I was allowed to just then because I typed it instead)
"broken clock is right twice a day" sucks. i hate this phrase. i want to design a better broken clock. when you shake it (sounds of loose gears and springs) it will tell you a random time that is not the current, correct time. it will be right no times a day. this ain't your grandpa's broken clock
My doctor: It's actually amazing he has survived Posting Disease for over 50 years.
Me: A sesame seed bun should be made entirely of sesame seeds
My doctor: If there's anything you want to say, do it now
My grandchildren: Goodbye. We love you
Me: Air conditioner where is air shampoo
Joe Koch: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the invaginies
Stephen King: whoa joe that sounds kind of adult, is this appropriate for dean?
Koch: oh it's fine, it's not like super adult
Koch: or rather anything dean could parse as adult
RISHI: You're sure about this?
ADVISOR: Yes
RISHI: Because it's a big deal
ADVISOR: Um, is it..?
RISHI: Okay I'm doing it. DONE. Tweeted.
ADVISOR: Cool I- WHAT?!. National EXPRESS!
RISHI: You said National Service!
ADVISOR: I said National EXPRESS! Instead of helicopters everywhere!
RISHI: Oh fuuuck
Confirmation: NI Minister Steve Baker says Sunak’s National Service wheeze was developed by a political adviser and sprung on candidates with no consultation or even talking to relevant ministers.
In case you're wondering what my brain's like, a lady just called me Dan Dare, so now I've got What's Going On Mekon (a song I don't particularly like and haven't heard since it was out) bursting out of every thought. Now ask me my wife's birthday
More TTRPGs need a mechanic to resolve player actions using arm wrestling or feats of strength. "I smash down the oak doors using my hammer" "Ok, I need you to bench 30kg - 5 reps"
