Destry Broderick

@destry.bsky.social

716

Followers

718

Following

801

Posts

Another idiot from Twitter.

bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaans3rkrx24k

Posts Replies Media

Jesus: When you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I threw my back out carrying your fat ass. Me: Jesus, I just got roasted by Jesus.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

The lack of humanity in humanity drags my heart down everyday. Partially because I can feel it chipping away at mine.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

Freckles and tan lines

I scream, you scream, we all scream when you fall asleep at the wheel on the highway.

Flight attendant: snack or a beverage? Passenger: nuts, please. Flight attendant: I think feces should be legal tender.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

I have a theory that people only have children to have a reason to make more sandwiches.

Me: I'll take a personal pizza, please. Personal pizza: everyone hates you.

Pilot: we're going to be flying over the mountains now, I guess. Plane: Not with that altitude.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

return to a time when we understood that just because a person’s reply wasn’t entirely sufficient, it doesn’t make our own position empirically correct figuring out truth or what’s best isn’t one & done it’s ongoing with mutual desire for the correct outcome & it doesn’t involve memes & screenshots

Me: I'm the captain now. Riverboat casino employee: we don't even leave the dock.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

Still alive in spite of my best efforts, unfortunately.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

*mutes all politically related words and terms, half of my feed disappears* Fuck, that’s sexy.

JD Vance sounds like the name of a lawyer who puts his business card in your hand as they're trying to load you into an ambulance.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

thinking about the time a guy @‘ed me that if i keep reposting so much he would have to block me so i reposted it and he blocked me

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

it’s scary to go alone take this

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

hey siri please rank the dinosaurs from least to most sexy

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

I only eat dolphin safe sausages.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

My sister is a very good poet and is getting a book of her poems together I asked her if she’d written any poems about me and without a beat she responded “You don’t really inspire me poetically”

Thor wears thunderwear.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

The left/passing lane is for those with ticket paying money.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

I keep a hatchet under my bed, a killer has to wait until I tear off the safety tape before I hand it to them.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

True love is waking up at the ass crack of dawn to take your dog for a long walk before the heat sets in.

Tinfoil is absolutely flying off of the shelves today. Nobody can keep it in stock.

In another galaxy, the Trump shooter would have made an excellent storm trooper.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

Accidentally drank a lethargy drink instead of an energy drink and now I feel like I always do.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

When I wanna feel rich I run the dishwasher even when it’s not even half full

I'm Sweatin' to the Oldies tonight in memory of Richard Simmons.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

Just a couple of bros, listening to the Chili Peppers and rubbing our dicks together during a thunderstorm.

Reposted by

Destry Broderick

You've been brainwashed into thinking everyone who disagrees with you is brainwashed.