Forrest Plump

@nahyoudoit.bsky.social

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reader, cross stitcher, farter.
link for my shitposts
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:gyuvrzxt4plzvqybm7wx3ruj/feed/aaamud5ttv42u

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Forrest Plump

The Hawk Tuah Girl’s 15 minutes are up. It’s MY time to shine (the I’m Sorry, This Usually Doesn’t Happen Man)

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Forrest Plump

my love language is doing that thing with my hand to make sure the AC is hitting you in the car

I’m “kids wouldn’t be caught dead wearing Champion because that was for scrubs” years old

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Forrest Plump

What's the best episode of TV you've ever watched

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Forrest Plump

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Forrest Plump

Me: You’re so beautiful. Her: And you… can you close the blinds and turn the light off, please?

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Forrest Plump

I couldn't remember the word dishwasher so I called it a wet oven.

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Forrest Plump

Can we please go back to the time when we didn’t have to log into the fucking television set

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Forrest Plump

Bro, we get it, you fuck

Thought I was depressed. Turns out I just needed spooky season back in my life.

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Forrest Plump

every day i get dumber and hotter. this is how i will win.

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Forrest Plump

I contain multitudes (multiple attitudes)

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Forrest Plump

God bless the very old people who still don’t know what weed smells like

I have a headache. Here’s a meme until I’m in the mood.

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Forrest Plump

Pro Tip: If you're going to micromanage, it's useful to be clear on what it is you're managing

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Forrest Plump

I went to high school with girls who used so much Aquanet they've named holes in the ozone layer after them

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Forrest Plump

I need an editor Like not for anything specifically, for everything I say and do everywhere at all times

(It’s Don’t Bother to Knock)

What is your favorite black and white movie?

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Forrest Plump

Friday, I'm in bed

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It’s Friday so it’s time to slip into my bedazzled jorts and let the festivities* begin!!! *lots and lots of solitary crying

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Forrest Plump

I give a lot of credit to the, “ I hope this is the day I would die,” people, cuz I’m like, “be as mad as you want forever, I stopped thinking about you and your problems a long time ago. I really hope this works out for you

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Forrest Plump

let me just go ahead and apologize for trying to be funny, i should really know better by now

Me: Kids these days are so fucking weird and impossible to understand. Also me: *addicted to Liquid Television on MTV as a teenager*

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Forrest Plump

i don’t plan to go outside until at least halloween

ME: we’re having leftovers for dinner HUSBAND: wtf no that’s disgusting Also my husband: *cooks 10 chicken breasts, 8 heads of broccoli, and a bag of rice to make his lunches for the week*

Shaboozey did for country what Beyoncé wished she could do for country

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Forrest Plump

H.H. Holmes bouncy murder castle.

Aioli is just mayonnaise that studied abroad.

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Forrest Plump

Thought my marriage was over but it turned out that I just needed coffee.

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Forrest Plump

I’m sorry you mistook my dull and vacant stare for wisdom