Just a Lil Harmless Avocado

@harmlessavocado.bsky.social

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Iffy dating advice from an adorable avocado

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Fat people drinking Diet Coke is like alcoholics drinking daily pints. It’s a self-restraint system. Nobody initially drinks Diet Coke for the taste.

Tell guests you laugh at the face of hell!

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Just a Lil Harmless Avocado

[extremely Living Colour voice] 🎶Look in my nose What do you smell? The scent of medievality🎶

New glory hole just dropped:

NGL, this is the average tinder profile in west Texas.

Billie Dove, yeehaw

The ttrpg thing on BSky is cool and all, but … certain accounts shouldn’t have it: @joshuajfriedman.com

I should be moving boxes right now.

[To the tune of The Bottle Rockets’ “Love Like A Truck”] 🎶I got love like a duck a big old duck 10,000 feathers flyin’🎶

My heads in a rut. And not a fun one tbh. Working through it by way of posting excessively,

New images of the suspected shooter have dropped:

Sexually Suggestive

Labeled by Bluesky Moderation Service

New glory hole just dropped:

show me a picture on your phone that has your energy but isn't a selfie

Raccoons are the land orcas we kinda already knew we needed.

timeline cleanse hat tip @penryu.bsky.social

show me a picture on your phone that has your energy but isn't a selfie. (Accidentally clicked a bonus pic!)

show me a picture on your phone that has your energy but isn't a selfie

So one of my regulars/friends came into the liquor store. She’s my age and she has, for lack of a more descriptive term, an ginormous rack. Like macromastia induced levels. She’s complaining she met an otherwise “quality” guy, but he just wants to f*ck. I think this is an often recurring theme.

@bskyttrpg.bsky.social stats

For the record, I am not the “supermodel rapper” who will be speaking at the RNC.

“I’ve survived a murder attempt and people think I’m a god! there’s no way I can lose!” *immediately picks biggest loser running mate possible*

A “handful”??? Europeans will use anything but the metric system!

“the jackpot is so big you almost can’t afford not to play!”

I feel like this is probably Trump up to his old habit of exaggerating but in this time of terror can we take a chance?

The number of people Trump says he'll deport keeps going up. It's now 20 million, 50% higher than the largest estimates of the undocumented population. It's clear sign that distinguishing legal from illegal won't be a priority. They're just going to round up people they don't want to be here.

At what point do we start recycling the Kissinger memes?

Richard Simmons and Dr. Ruth were unapologetically themselves despite endless scrutiny. They both brought joy, knowledge, and light to countless folks. It’s heartbreaking to lose them both today while the cockroach felon lives on.

I love them as a country act, but I just want to say that picture looks more like a ventriloquists act.

The brief reign of my favorite country powercouple begins here: www.countryuniverse.net/2024/07/13/e...

Every #1 Country Single of the Eighties: Rodney Crowell & Rosanne Cash, “It’s Such a Small World”www.countryuniverse.net A power couple takes over.

You’ve seen ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER, now get ready for JOHN WILKES BOOTH: PEST CONTROLLER.

I just got done watching Ratatouille and I have a theory about Abe Lincoln

Maybe the kid was a sexual abuse survivor shooting a child rapist. Not funny, but as likely as any of the other conspiracies going around. I dunno, the world exhausts me.

This but following up with “I sure hope it does!”

My wife frequently tells me “if you keep reading every sign you see out loud in a funny voice I will slam this car into a building” My take away is that she thinks I’m funny.

Life is a marathon because we all die at the end.

Technically it’s not a marathon unless you die afterward

Alex Jones: I have a proposal. We’ll give you your ranch in Terlingua back if you say the event of this weekend was a false flag as often as you did Sandy Hook.

When do we start yelling "FALSE FLAG!"?

*IS* the miso horny? - Seth Rogan et al having the flash of lightning resulting in SAUSAGE PARTY.

Sure, I’ll drive into a pole at 10 mph.

Fiancée is listening to Alkaline Trio and there is a line in a song “shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” and I gotta ask how exactly did the dog get in that situation? I feel like swallowing razor blades would be a death sentence before we even got to the shitting part.