Most spectrum people I know have social overstim/anxiety because, since they can remember, someone in their lives has told them how they're too much, doing it wrong, being weird, acting "off", or otherwise relating to other humans incorrectly.
So, yeah. That weighs on a kid, and later, an adult.
No one but another 40ish neurodivergant person who presented female as a child understands that we were literally told we were being a person "wrong" for 25 years on a daily basis. No one encouraged us to be smart and weird because we were just someone's future wife and mom.
Yuuuup. The difference between me and an undiagnosed (as a child) autistic man of the same age is…depressing. They’re likely to have a PhD in something interesting instead of being traumatized and broken
Yeah, sure. Not saying they haven’t suffered. But there are notable differences between the undxed afabs and amabs of earlier generations. And male privilege still being a thing, even while allistic privilege is a thing…is a thing. I’ve gotten less functional as time goes on because of trauma.
Autistic afabs are statistically almost certain to have experienced sexual trauma and a lot more likely to have been in abusive relationships, for one. Like, disconcertingly close to all of us. That’s on top of us getting the same shit our aman counterparts did.
We’re forever being re-interpreted to ourselves, told what we meant or how we came off, and expected to work through misunderstandings by accepting what others say their intent was.
So rarely will they give us that same benefit of the doubt in return, though.
It really takes a toll.
People think I don't have any social anxiety because I can talk to strangers and carry convos with people 'easily'. What they don't realize is that I'm anxious that I'm talking too much or annoying or weird, and that often manifests as... Talking more lol
I know I already replied to this but I just had an appointment with my therapist and ended up talking about almost exactly this. Was recommended to seek out other neurodivergent communities and take note of how common my problems are there
And the hours we spend after an interaction, tearing it apart, trying to read how we messed it up, how we could have done it better, feeling shame & guilt, it's...exhausting.
Despite being told this constantly, I did not get the social anxiety, just all the other kinds. I think it was being viewed as such a contemptible problem for getting it wrong in so many ways without anyone saying how to do it right that I eventually gave up and cared less as a protective mechanism.
There’s this and also the Ritalin prescription I got put on. My parents took me seriously when I would “forget” to take it and kept trying to find ways to help me remember. The message I got was “you are only tolerable while we are in direct control of your internal life.”
It filled with me rage and hatred towards society and people in general. It led me to being a reclusive alcoholic. Luckily now I'm working through all of it in recovery.
Every time I'm taught to be more social and put myself out there, I just revert back to how I was before. I always felt like I was doing something wrong even as an adult.
This hits hard.
