Tobin Elliott

@tobinelliott.bsky.social

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I write ugly stories about terrible people doing horrible things.

I can be an asshole.

Read my alt texts.

Occasional posts about my books.

Check out my stuff on linktr.ee/TobinElliott

If you follow, then DM me to sell me something...BLOCKED.

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Yeah...well...that could either be a really really bad thing or—based on some of the people on this app—a really really good time. The rise of the machine, indeed. Bow chicka wow wow.

This may or may not have been right after I said something about "rolling up the window" and "dialing" a phone number, then "hanging up" the phone... Don't judge me. Be kind. Rewind.

The perils of sharing a room with a roommate, part twelve. NEVER, EVER attempt the viagra prank.

Yes. Accurate. I am this cock.

Can you almost hear the porn music?

I know, I know, you're all jealous.

...It's like the Supreme Court *wants* to see the entire country in flames.

joe biden, go get the desert eagle with the presidential seal on the hilt, you have work to do

They missed a few... The knight who was sneaky: Sir Reptitious The knight who rode waves: Sir Fer (sometimes known as Sir Fer Dude) I'm sure there's more...

Grrr. Arf. I am Cerberus, the three-headed hound of HECK! And I'm a good boy.

He will bowl over the bad guys. He will flush evil away. He'll ensure ur-in-all his thoughts. He's the world's shittiest superhero. And, while he may not be the hero we need, he's the hero we deserve. He is...TOILETMAN.

Okay, this actually made me laugh. Better than my standard "non-dairy creamer"...

Okay, for the record: I don't give a shit what your gender is, what your kink is, what you are into, as long as there's respect, we're good. But please, I'm just not into all the sex bot shit, and the dick pics. I just don't swing that way. So, please stop trying to chat me up.

Okay, this is a hard one, because I honestly don't think about tropes at all. In fact, if pressed, I don't know if I could name many. If I tend to rely on anything—not sure if it's a trope or not—it's likely the element of revenge, or retaliation. It's kinda my go-to. #HorrorWritersChat

#HorrorWritersChat question 3: What's your favourite horror trope to write? The one you rely on the most? P.S. Don’t forget the tag!

Easy choice! Talia Davis is a creepy little kid in BAD BLOOD, and you won't like her. But, when she comes back in later books, you'll completely understand why there is literally no one else you'd want with you. You can't trust her. You can't understand her. But she's a badass. #HorrorWritersChat

#HorrorWritersChat question 2: You must spend the night in a haunted house. You can choose one of your characters to accompany you. Who will it be? P.S. Don’t forget the tag!

The answer to the question you never knew you wanted to ask. Personally, I could use the pizza one and the caffeine one.

Not quite sure why the replies are disabled on the #HorrorWritersChat , but I'll play. It's a good guess that I'm Tobin Elliott and I write horror (basically a 3-way cross between Ketchum, King, and Lovecraft). My proudest work would be the final book of my 6-book series. I love it.

#HorrorWritersChat question 1: Introduce yourself: Tell us who you are, what you write, and tell us about your proudest horror work. P.S. Don’t forget the tag!

If I didn't know better, I'd think whoever posted this knew precisely what they were doing. Commas save lives, kids. And apparently quotes save dicks.

In his house at 50 Acre Woods, dead Cpoohlhu waits dreaming with his friend Piglathotep.

LOL...this is SO me. Reminds me of that Monty Python bit. "'Oo is it?" "There's a Mr. Deeth at the door. Something about the reaping?" Anyway, um, do you have a moment for me to talk about my ugly stories about terrible people doing horrible things? 😬 💀

Obviously, I need an entire do-over of my childhood. This is bullshit.

And you may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?" Same as it ever was...

One of the more adult bits of content we never got to see on Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? Fred was getting his freak on with Daphne and Velma, while Scoob and Shaggy were getting high and getting the munchies. No wonder they all got along so damn well.

JFC, people, if you're gonna DM me...or your AI bot is gonna DM me, please vary the script a bit? Hello, how are you doing? Where are you from? How old are you? Shake that shit up a bit. If you surprise me, I might even continue talking to you.

One of life's little irritants.

Remember that scandal that rocked Sesame Street back in the late 70s? Underage Elmo caught snorting lines at Studio 54? Miss Piggy in Playboy? And then there was the morning this photo hit the New York Post. Suddenly, everyone was trying to find out how to get to Sesame Street.

I said: "Hey, Mr. Spaceman Won't you please take me along I won't do anything wrong" But the Starman replied: "Let the children lose it Let the children use it Let all the children boogie" I'd prefer to leave. So, I'll boogie out of here.

No. No, that's definitely not a cough.

I'll never understand why anyone uses filters. I prefer to see the real, unfiltered person.

This is not something I'd ever considered using Fruit Gushers for. ...especially not six bags of them. And...does Skeletor even have an anus?

"Yeah, so I get this call. 'Come, mister tally man, tally me banana.' And I show up and holy smokin' jeebus! Dudes got bananas everywhere! "So, I start counting and it takes all damn night. Daylight come and me wan' go home."