My favorite thing about this is it was meant to be a rhetorical joke question but i knew before posting that autists would probably take me up on it and...bless 😊
Wanna trade backrubs? No thanks, my back's fine
Come over, I'll read you some poetry
No thanks, I find poetry confusing
Hey, are you still up?
I told you, I'm a polyphasic sleeper, I'm almost always awake
*Playing acoustic guitar at me*
I think you're out of tune, the last chord sounded off
One time in school a girl was dry snitching on me for smelling like weed by announcing it when I came in halfway through class and I told her to shut up so she tried wind milling on me and the girl I sat next to jumped up and clothes lined her.
Looking back I messed up not asking her out.
Never understood why random guys just wanted to do cool stuff with me, like hiking, biking, getting local food, watching movies together, hold hands and even kiss. And they’d suddenly disappear after a few times. I thought we were just hanging out as bros.
(it’s totally normal for my friends and I to hold hands, kiss, or even fuck without us being “partners” so I thought they were just as romantic coded as me.)
If you are wondering how far on the spectrum I am, when I was in my 20's I acted in a play and the woman playing my romantic interest told me she would sleep with anybody that wore Drakkar Noir.
And I did not get the hint.
Flirtation only ever worked if it came with subtitles; literally spelled out. Otherwise, moments were only recognized as they were receding in the rear view mirror 🙃
Let me tell you about the guy in the pub who was really insistent about wanting to show me a card trick, or the one time a girl took off her top on the dance floor
I'm struggling to think of a time this hasn't happened when someone is flirting with me
Like, I've had people have to resort to asking me OUT for me to realize they were interested
A friend of mine years ago told me about how she was going to take a bath and asked me if I wanted to join and I was like, "but I shower in the morning". She eventually had to be like "I'm serious, idiot" for me to finally go over there.
Every time.
Tbh I was always let down when I realized they weren’t actually interested in my hobbies. Like why bring it up if you have no interest? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Probably my worst one was when a girl gave me her phone number, and I thought it was just so we could stay in touch in general. Luckily, she thought it was adorkable.
it's too embarrassing, she was literally petting my cat and making a joke about pussies getting hot like hers 🥲 like five years later, sitting bolt upright in bed, screaming "FFFFUUUUUUUU" when i realized it
Well there was Victir Scafuro being mean to me and picking me up & dropping me on the head in 1973 when I was 17.
Even worse: I had no idea the Boy of Choice & I were “dating” because there was no kissing or handholding so I thought we were just doing friend stuff. The 70s was a Different Time.
The first time my wife came to visit me in person she pretended to be confused by my shower so I told her the shower in the other bathroom was easier to use, walked her into the bathroom, and then left to check on dinner. She was like, guess he's not interested? Nope. Just oblivious.
