Anna O Law: It is very isolating in a way I don't think raising children is.

Eldercare, something I spent a LOT of time on in the last 13 years as an only child & the subject no one wants to talk about. Until it hits them. So many friends reaching out to me now b/c they saw what I went thru, and they're only now realizing how hard it is. 🎁 shorturl.at/npCyS 1/

It's curiously an area where people lack imaginative empathy. Many friends would lchange the subject on me if I spoke of it. None of the kind of knowing empathy of caring for children. It was maddening and demoralizing. At least a few friends didn't completely blow me off. I'm grateful for them. 2/2

I also experienced this. It was almost like it didn't exist

It is very isolating in a way I don't think raising children is.

It is. And if you have to do some of these tasks earlier than anticipated (sick parents in their early 70s) there’s even less empathy. People don’t realize how tricky this is to navigate

I was one of the first in my peer group to have to manage so few friends had a frame of reference. Now, however…

Also, somehow most of my peers’ parents are better off/have more resources. I’m an only child, father’s dead, and mom has nothing but a very paltry social security. That does not buy assisted living near me.

Even with resources, elder care is hard. I’ve been a companion for a dementia patient. Family had ample resources for high end care facilities. Even with that, it took an extra body (me) to stay on top of things and push care levels up.

I hear that. Even once we get her housed close to us it’s going to be… challenging for me. It takes constant reminders and reinforcement to be detached enough to see her needs clearly.

(Luckily I have the help of a supportive partner)

I am just mystified by how people haven't picked up at least a little from their parents' experience with grandparents.

So I think it depends quite a bit on age. I’m GenX. So two grandparents dropped from heart attacks fairly young (mid 60s). One died from cancer, and I was 3. The last one was in another state and in a nursing home with local cousins doing most of the lifting.

With shifts in medicine, boomers are living longer and with more complex illnesses. 40 years ago, mom likely would have died in her 60s. Modern medicine has her going into her 80s

People live longer due to modern medicine but care resources/networks/policy not adjusting so families left holding the bag.

Yeah. (As I navigate parent who needs me living there but isn’t at the point where they can acknowledge it)

No question. Raising kids tends to come with parenting groups. I haven't had to arrange play dates for my parents. (And I'm very lucky to have three siblings who are extraordinarily good at this stuff. Alone must be terrible).

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