Tim Onion: Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakes

Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakes

Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakeswww.theonion.com AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we...

Oh my god dude if you like the onion so much why don't you marry it

dammit I fell for it for five seconds which is an eternity to an online elder

😂🤣🧨💥

Genuinely thought that was real for a moment.

Same lol, total Elon move though he might yet do it

I believed it at first, something Elon would do.

That's what makes it good satire, it's ALMOST believable. Just a hair more crazy than the actual news. That line's been moving for several years which makes satire so much harder. Almost anything is believable now.

Omg same here.

When I saw the title, I actually hoped for a second that Tesla did fire the brakes team due to their incompetence. I read the first few lines, and thought of this as a typical Elon thing. Then I finally realized that this was the Onion.

Whelp. Nothing can stop them now! ...I'll see myself out now

Except a light shower

😂

you brought The Onion back to humor!

The thing is I could totally believe this happened. When you can't tell parody from actual news I'm pretty sure that means things are bad.

Ben unleashed. We’ve created a monster.

Did not think this was a joke

Wheel team mentioned will be less of a loss. There’s only 6 people on it.

But ooooo boy does their union rep ever have fun ideas for Wheel Team 6 shirts.

They just couldn’t stop themselves

*golf clap*

"They were just slowing us down"

Brakes are really holding the Model 2 back

I was hoping the new owners would pivot away from the “straight news” reporting and get back to satire,

I mean what's to stop them

Moving forward, braking can be purchased from the software division for $299.00/month.

NO BRAKES ONLY CRASH (TSLA QUALITY)

must credit bsky.app/profile/cost...

all my brakes gone

😂 I have to remember you’re in charge of The Onion

Move fast and break things.

That headline is looking way too close to the truth. I mean, they let the bean counters take charge of safety at Boeing and we know how that's playing out.

Everyone: Your designs suck and you essentially took one of the most recognizable logos ever and replaced it with a fucking X. Musk: 🤬🤬🤬YOU’RE ALL FIRED! -later- Also Musk: Why does no one like me?! 🥺😭

It's all about going fast and breaking things so this would be logical

It’s gonna take me a long time to get used to the fact that the headlines you tweet out are intentionally funny.

I mean, all they ever did was slow people down.

Tesla needs to lay off The Musk

Car that doesn't drive needs no brakes. Masterful gambit, sir.

Has he kicked the Onion off twitter yet?

The sad part.. I had to verify that this was an onion article.

"GROIMES! I've killed a million bicyclists! No one will even notice!"

I saw this headline in my feed earlier and assumed without further thought that it was true.

There's no stopping Tesla!

There’s no stopping Tesla now!

He just can’t stop!

Look, it's hard enough to tell Real Headlines from The Onion when The Onion's ones say The Onion on them, now you're just making it harder!

This, right here. (I read aloud the headline to Loving Spouse, with exactly that attribution, or rather "I can't believe this isn't The Onion.")

You son of a bitch you almost got me! I love it

The real joke is there was never a Tesla team responsible for brakes.

What's stopping them?

Super good idea 👍

Post