Tomorrow will be the day that Aaron Rodgers reveals he was on A Diarrhea Retreat for the last week. He's going to do this in a way that suggests he's really disappointed, but not at all surprised, in all the speculation surrounding it. "You have a human right to 'raw water'," he'll tell Pat McAfee.
I never quite identified that exact dimension to those appearances, yeah. He's somehow disappointed in the rest of humanity that he's developed a tropical disease eating uncooked goat. Disappointed in the mockery. Disappointed in what Biden's doing at the border.
Obviously his dream is to just drive down the sidewalk of a big city at 50mph like everyone else with his politics, but this is how that impulse is expressing itself for the time being. He's impatient that everyone else is taking so long to grasp what he alone knows about the germ theory of disease.
It's the Livia Soprano school of covertly high paying sports media appearances. And like Livia Soprano, the Jets might as well be a million miles away, such are the priorities.
It’s “ridiculous” for the fake media to ask why he looked like Ben Roethlisberger from this banger “Thanksgiving dinner” tweet at the previous OTAs and has no bearing on why he went skydiving with RFK Jr. instead of coming to the next one
He will mention how no one steps in the same river twice. “Panta rei” he’ll say and leave it to us acolytes to determine how these things are connected.
"Did you know that because of all the processed food, Americans have on average 45 pounds of toxins in their colons? I am not going to let corporate food conglomerates dictate how MY digestive system works."
Harvested from a breed of Patagonian mountain goat that only exists at elevations of 10,000 ft or higher. Only 17 of them are known to exist in nature.
EVAN: "I'm going to try it, this diarrhea thing. If it works for him, I think it can work for me, right?"
TIKI: "Jason Sehorn tried to get me to do something like that back in '99. Did not care for it."
EVAN: "Use promo code MUDBUTT for your first Jets parlay on FanDuel."
He was in a darkness retreat that helped him contemplate life's most unanswerable questions, such as "when will the time be right to come out as a Sandy Hook truther?"
And actually performed really well as a celebrity contestant! I guess it's important to know that being able to readily absorb and retain information doesn't necessarily prevent you from being a credulous mope.
